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Thread: POEM, What the future holds

  1. #1
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    Talking POEM, What the future holds

    I look in the distance and wonder what it all means

    The night sky is full of the stars and the moon

    The air is chilly and I shiver with a thought

    What is to come?

    What is to be?

    Is destiny written in the stars like they say?

    Is the future really already known?

    Is this world just a board game?

    I really have to wonder

    I want to be happy

    I want to be free

    There are so many places to go

    So many places to see

    I want to experience everything

    To me my future is unknown, unsure

    I don't know if it is already destined

    I do know that I want to live it to the fullest

    I want to live it to its capacity

    Where I will go I do not know

    The cosmos watch over me and taunt me

    The questions are left unanswered

    There is no crystal ball

    I will have to wait and see

    That is what the future holds for me

  2. #2
    Sweet farewell, Good Nite
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    i like the sentiment behind this kitten. questions, questions, the answers to which reside in real experience, in the yet-to-be. cool.


    you can easily get rid of these as they say the same as other lines:
    i do not know if it is already destined.
    i want to live it to its capacity.


    Write!
    "He was nauseous with regret when he saw her face again, and when, as of yore, he pleaded and begged at her knees for the joy of her being. She understood Neal; she stroked his hair; she knew he was mad."
    ---Jack Kerouac, On The Road: The Original Scroll

  3. #3
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    I wish I could agree with jon1jt. Each of your lines is stale, and without originality. You could actually take each line, think about what it means to you, disgard the line, and write a poem from each. I'm sure you would an amazing poem from a unique perspective as a result.

  4. #4
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    Thank you Jon1jt. I will be honest usually when I write a poem I just write it I don't really think of what I'm writing until it's done. I just go with the flow. I guess that does sound a bit strange, but that's what I do. Thanks again.

  5. #5
    I don't see much flow here, besides several disjointed sentences but it's a pretty nice thought.
    My hide hides the heart inside

  6. #6
    precious... subterranean's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kittenleigh View Post
    Thank you Jon1jt. I will be honest usually when I write a poem I just write it I don't really think of what I'm writing until it's done. I just go with the flow. I guess that does sound a bit strange, but that's what I do. Thanks again.

    I personally can see that you’re being spontaneous with your poem and I think it’s good to write down our thoughts right away. However, I think, the result would be better in general if we try to improve the original version by say, deleting or combining some lines, replacing some of the words with the ones with deeper or richer in meaning.


    "there are people in the world so hungry that God can not appear to them except in the form of bread"

    Mahatma Gandhi

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