It's not that I'm wallowing in self-pity or anything, but I just CAN'T write interestingly enough to get people's attention. I feel I use too many sentences, and each sentence is too short. The paragraphs are extraordinarily long. I don't use any big words. Can someone make a suggestion on how I can improve myself?

Excerpt from the beginning of my current novel:

The waiting room outside the Admiral’s Office seemed emptier than usual. It wasn’t because nobody was waiting to see the Admiral, but one of the individuals who was indeed there to see the Admiral was feeling extraordinarily nervous. He’d just been promoted from Commander to Captain and was awaiting his first command from the one man who truly had the power to assign new Captains to ships – Admiral Smith.

The Admiral was a tall and imposing man, and frightened even the Captains who commanded with iron fists. Of course, Admiral Smith didn’t get to be where he was now unless he commanded respect from everyone around him. The Admiral almost never yelled or lost his temper, and he usually held a cool and calm demeanor. So, how does one who almost always has a smile on his face manage to scare people without even trying to? Nobody’s managed to come up with an answer for that.

As a young officer in the Royal Navy, Captain Adrius Fayth had served under Admiral Smith when he was much younger, and only a Captain.

And now Adrius sat here, hands folded in his lap, waiting patiently for whichever fate was assigned to him. He tapped his fingers unconsciously and impatiently on his legs, unaware of the stares he was getting from others in the room.

His attention drifted towards the brand new window out towards the sea.
In the actual story, though, there aren't spaces between the lines. It's indented, which doesn't appear to work on here.

Comments, anyone?