Pam

[Hawkman]

Pam has a collection of 1970s choc-ices in the permafrost of her freezer.

[kiz_paws]

PAM wears an ascot that people ASSUME is because he is rakish. No, he is actually hiding the bolts on either side of his neck...

[Hawkman]

When Pam was put together, they forgot the neck bolts. Consequently, Pam has a tendency to loose her head at the slightest provocation.

[kiz_paws]

Pam cubes potatoes to use in his stir fries, which he crunches very loudly with his four remaining teeth

[Hawkman]

Pam has her own teeth. They are made of plywood and she bought them at a market stall in down town Mombassa, so they're definitely hers.

[kiz_paws]

PAM is so colour blind that he cannot distinguish when The Blues are playing on the radio...

[Hawkman]

Pam has been known to polish her nails with Brasso, when she can't get phosphoric acid.

[kiz_paws]

PAM uses liquid honey as underarm deodarent

[Hawkman]

Doesn't everyone? Fragrant, and tasty! Yum...

Pam has spent the last three years trying to bale out the Atlantic with an eggshell. Unfortunately, she hasn't noticed that it's got a hole in the bottom. Never buy an eggshell baler off an ex matelot in a bar after your thirteenth vodka...

[kiz_paws]

Laffing arse off...

PAM keeps his trousers up with bungee cords...

[Hawkman]

Pam runs half marathons on lakes of custard...

[tailor STATELY]

(what's wrong with using honey as UAD ? ... just say'in)

Pam never buys candy at the theatre nor needs to "smuggle" it in... she arrives early and gleans the theatre floor for popcorn, jujubes, black crows, and junior mints

[Hawkman]

Pam frequently competes in drag races with snails... Unfortunately, he always loses.

[kiz_paws]

PAM doesn't need a shaver to get rid of whiskers -- he uses high grade sandpaper, which gets the job done in a fun and relaxing way...

[Hawkman]

Pam spends her Sunday's chugging Absinthe and dancing the can can on her porch. If you want the old green fairy, we know where it is, we know where it is, we know where it is...