Here is a thread for odd bits and bobs!
Here is a thread for odd bits and bobs!
Last edited by Scheherazade; 02-24-2006 at 05:59 AM.
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"It is not that I am mad; it is only that my head is different from yours.”
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http://msnuk.match.com/matchscene/ar...annerID=558924Yes, you've got the perfect shade of lipstick and the little black dress…but is that all you need? Hardly.
1. A fabulous photo of yourself: We all have that photo: the one where your smile, hair, and (let's be honest) bod all come together in one sexy little package, whether it's that snapshot from your trip to the Grand Canyon or that cocktail party photo where you're dressed to kill. Stick that sucker at eye level on your fridge so your male guest can't help but notice it as he checks out if you have beer (see item #5). What he says: "Is that you?" What he means: "Wow, girl, you're hotter than I realised!" Keep a digital version handy so you can email it to online suitors or blind dates who want a glimpse of the goods beforehand. And never, ever throw it away—when you're eighty-something it'll serve as an instant reminder that back in the day, you were a total dish!
2. A pretty pair of heels: Admit it. You feel like Maria from West Side Story (You feel pretty, oh so pretty…) when you slip on a pair of nice heels. The good news is that these days, you can transform virtually any outfit to make it on-the-town ready by adding heels to a skirt, jeans, cropped trousers, whatever. And no, they don't have to be towering stilettos, even a pair of 1-inch kitten heels will make you stride a little more confidently. (Added bonus: the taller you are, the more fit men you'll be able to see around the room.)
3. An Eminem CD: What's one of the first places a guy peruses when he walks into a woman's home? Her music collection. Good for you if you have an extensive one. But if all he sees is a pile of cheesy girl bands (say, the Celine Dion, Girls Aloud, Joni Mitchell and the Bridget Jones Diary soundtrack), he's going to panic. Balance out your collection with one CD, any CD, by Eminem and you have no idea how relieved he'll be. It shows you have an open mind and aren't easily offended—and that's music to any man's ears.
4. A great chatup line…and a way to turn them down: In this post-chivalrous period, we can't always depend on guys to initiate contact, so prepare thyself with one simple, non-cheesy icebreaker to lay on that cutie who's making his way to your area of the bar. Our favourite: "Hi. Having fun?" (Though a friend of mine has recently taken to asking well-dressed men, "Hetero, homo or metro?") And in cases when a guy initiates contact and you're not interested, better to have a better turn-down than "Ummmm, no…" Our suggestion: "Sorry, I don't think the guy I'm seeing would appreciate it." Sure, it's a lie, but it'll let him down gently—without destroying his ego or making him think you're an idiot.
5. A six-pack of good bottled beer: A prepared single girl is ready to host and toast at any time. If you want to make a guy-guest feel at home and your girlfriends feel special, skip the mass-produced swill and go for the more exotic microbrews.
6. Bathroom reading: What man doesn't appreciate finding interesting reading in his sweetie's bathroom? So instead of tossing out your magazines when you've finished reading them, chuck them into a basket by the toilet. No need to go overboard with a stack of Sports Illustrated (if you're not a sports fan, that would just be weird) but consider The Week or even Cosmopolitan (hey, this may be the only time he's a captive audience and can learn a few things). Or, just buy a book that's made for the bathroom, like Schott's Original Miscellany by Ben Schott so he can learn a few things about shoelace lengths and sign language while he passes the, uh, time.
7. A business card: After the age of 18, it's no longer cute to scrawl your first name and phone number on a napkin and hand it to a man who wants to call you. So if your job doesn't provide a card or you'd prefer one with your personal email address and phone number on it, then have some made. A napkin he can lose. A card he'll file and keep.
8. Earplugs: Ah, there's nothing sweeter than a man who wants to cuddle up with you in bed for a long night's sleep. Unless—SNZZGGHGHRRJJZZZ!—he snores so loudly you can't get any sleep. Prepare thyself for surprise snorers with a pair of earplugs stashed in your bedside table.
9. A straight male friend on your speed-dial: Every girl knows she needs a gay male friend she can go to for fashion advice (a personal Queer Eye for A Straight Guy). But when it comes to relationship advice, you need another source. While your female friends may have good intentions, if you really want to know if you should call that guy, save the guesswork and go to someone who's been there, done that.
10. Protection: Hey ladies, you know the drill by now. If you want to be able to have spontaneous fun of the bodily kind, you have to prepare for it yourself. You can't always count on him to have something in his back pocket—or a 24-hour pharmacy on the route home. (Your new mantra: If you don't want it to break, you buy it.)
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"It is not that I am mad; it is only that my head is different from yours.”
~
I have to say the Cosmopolitan and Eminem CD really wouldn't do it for me.
I wonder what the single guys need? Peaunuts comics?
Irish poets, learn your trade!
-Yeats
10 Things Every Single Girl Must Own
3. An Eminem CD:
I’m a little behind the times. Which one is Eminem?
How about Emma’s response to Mr Elton (whom, she assumes, “had been drinking too much of Mr. Weston's good wine”) after he proposes to her? -4. A great chatup line…and a way to turn them down:
“Command yourself enough to say no more, and I will endeavour to forget it."
Anyone able to provide the male equivalent of the list? I can only think of two:
1. The inclination.
2. The nerve.
Something you should NEVER do:
Which film does this pictograph represent? Clue – each picture is a syllable, not a word.
Spaceballs?Originally Posted by The Unnamable
Which film does this pictograph represent? Clue – each picture is a syllable, not a word.
Just 1 eminem CD? I dunno that may seem like your trying to hard. Especially if you don't know any of the tunes on the disc.
6pk of a good beer? But what if you don't like beer at some point the beer is gonna go shunky and serving skunky beer is way worse than not having any beer.
Do, or do not. There is no try. - Yoda
Excalibur?
Which film does this pictograph represent? Clue – each picture is a syllable, not a word.
__________________
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"It is not that I am mad; it is only that my head is different from yours.”
~
I fail to see how either Spaceballs or Excalibur can be made from the picture. Please take this seriously. Okay, Ex I can see, but calibur?
I'm not even going to think about Spaceballs.
I thought we needed a counterpart:
10 Things every single male should own:
1. A wedding ring. Some birds go wild over married men. It fills them with the thrill of the illicit. Also, nothing motivates a woman as much as the opportunity to get one over on another woman.
2. A well-rehearsed repertoire of funny comments. The dollies always say they go for men with “a good sense of humour”. Of course, when they say this you have to bear in mind a few points: (i) By ‘good’ they mean ‘like theirs’, so you might have to prepare pitifully unfunny funny comments. (ii) They seldom mean what they say. It won’t matter how funny you are if you are physically repugnant. And it won’t matter how unfunny you are if you look like dear old Brad.
3. A baby. I was out with my best mate and his five-month-old son recently and the chicks loved it. They were all over us, even though the brat had crapped itself and stunk (we would have changed its nappy but my mate’s only had the thing for a few months and he hasn’t learned how yet - it’s a good job he’s married otherwise he’d have to pay someone). If women see you being all soft and cuddly with a baby, they usually fail to notice the sexually predatory side to you.
4. A huge bulge in your pocket, which denotes an engorged wallet. How else can you explain Peter Stringfellow?
5. The ability to pretend you are the slightest bit interested in anything they say.
6. A motorbike (and a leather jacket like Brando’s). If you can get one with an airbrushed image of Xena the Warrior Princess on the gas tank, all the better. Hurtling along an open road on a hot summer’s day with the wind rushing through their hair brings out the primitive in them. Though few would admit it, all women love to see a man with a big, powerful chopper between his legs.
7. The ability to use a sophisticated set of criteria by which to judge your pull so that you can regale your mates with the story afterwards (the best part of scoring anyway). This usually takes the form of a scale running from 1 to 10 where 1 means she’s got the face of Laetitia Casta / Heidi Klum and 10 means that she’s got the face of a waxworks pig in a fire, with a body to match.
8. A book of Byron’s Poetry – The fact that he was a grotesque, despicable, club-footed homunculus is irrelevant. Women don’t actually read Byron but they think he’s gorgeous and a great poet of love nevertheless.
9. Cushions – women love cushions.
10. Resilience - above all, you must remember that women are strange creatures. Be patient with her. Give her at least a fortnight. If you haven’t got anywhere by then, move on of course. It’s not as if they’re on ration.
I see you use the simplified scoring method, I am in favour of the more complex multiplier system myself (for those unfamiliar with the system, firstly the scale is reversed with the higher the score the better and then a multiplier is assessed depending on the situation - I will not post the multipliers here, but if anyone is particularly interested in knowing what they are I can let you know).
There once was a scotsman named Drew
Who put too much wine in his stew
He felt a bit drunk
And fell off his bunk
And landed smack into his shoe ~(C) Ms Niamh Anne King
That list is a joke right dear Unnameable. Because:
1. to me a marriage covenant is sacred. I would loathe a gentleman that even looked my way if he was wearing one(or probably without one too!)
2.I love quiet serious men that have a sense of humour, not perform standup.
3.An infant that is not changed right away can get horrible painful rash. I would probably ask to change baby I would be so upset with the gentleman.
4. A bulging wallet denotes in my heart bragging and I would have a pretty good idea that the man was not using the money to help the poor.
5. If a man wants to talk to you and cares what you say they will actually talk to you in a manner that shows it, we aren't all that stupid. Not even Mary.
6.A bike and a leather jacket denotes player to me, there are some exceptions so I would just be kind and like the person for what he seemed to be and then forget he existed when I paid my bill and left.
7. the ability to use a sophisticated set of criteria:I really am naive then because I never thought that the average person did that, I thought they cared about the other as a valuable human being, although I have heard some girls do that.
8. A book of Byron's poetry- I have a friend Noel who looks so much like him it is uncanny. He is very pretty. I feel sorry for Byron's life and I do read his poetry.
9. cushions: I don't really understand this one. I personally would not use them in public because I am not tall enough then for my fee to touch the ground and I hate the smirks and winks. And that is from the ladies!
10.Resilience: I am at a loss at what to respond here and from now on I shall never look at men the same. I have many men friends, single, beautiful and I said no and explained why and they are still really close to me. They did you are right move on to other girls but long after they came and went they are still my dear friends.
And I know dear Unnameable, you would never do any of this, you are far too noble.
The Exorcist? (assuming that there is a cyst involved in that surgical procedure I've been having trouble figuring out).
"In rime sparse il suono/ di quei sospiri ond' io nudriva 'l core/ in sul mio primo giovenile errore"~ Francesco Petrarca
"Follies and nonsense, whims and inconsistencies do divert me, I own, and I laugh at them whenever I can."~ Jane Austen
How do I delete a post?
Last edited by papayahed; 02-25-2006 at 02:37 PM. Reason: don't want to open a can of worms
Do, or do not. There is no try. - Yoda
[QUOTE=rachel]That list is a joke right dear Unnameable. Because:
1. to me a marriage covenant is sacred. I would loathe a gentleman that even looked my way if he was wearing one(or probably without one too!)
2.I love quiet serious men that have a sense of humour, not perform standup.
3.An infant that is not changed right away can get horrible painful rash. I would probably ask to change baby I would be so upset with the gentleman.
4. A bulging wallet denotes in my heart bragging and I would have a pretty good idea that the man was not using the money to help the poor.
5. If a man wants to talk to you and cares what you say they will actually talk to you in a manner that shows it, we aren't all that stupid. Not even Mary.
6.A bike and a leather jacket denotes player to me, there are some exceptions so I would just be kind and like the person for what he seemed to be and then forget he existed when I paid my bill and left.
7. the ability to use a sophisticated set of criteria:I really am naive then because I never thought that the average person did that, I thought they cared about the other as a valuable human being, although I have heard some girls do that.
8. A book of Byron's poetry- I have a friend Noel who looks so much like him it is uncanny. He is very pretty. I feel sorry for Byron's life and I do read his poetry.
9. cushions: I don't really understand this one. I personally would not use them in public because I am not tall enough then for my fee to touch the ground and I hate the smirks and winks. And that is from the ladies!
10.Resilience: I am at a loss at what to respond here and from now on I shall never look at men the same. I have many men friends, single, beautiful and I said no and explained why and they are still really close to me. They did you are right move on to other girls but long after they came and went they are still my dear friends.
[QUOTE]
If I was a few years older ... or rachel younger ... Golly.
Irish poets, learn your trade!
-Yeats
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