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Thread: letters

  1. #1
    in a blue moon amuse's Avatar
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    letters

    from the kitchen
    i navigate
    D stairs
    to the bathroom,
    and L more
    from there
    to my room

    once upon a time
    i was afraid of
    falling - isn't that
    every pregnant
    woman's worst
    nightmare?

    but then i became
    excited so i stopped
    just counting stairs,
    i wanted to
    teach you
    letters too

    your 5 year-old
    brother has already
    borrowed my copy
    of war and peace
    i was sure you
    two would have
    lots to
    talk about
    discuss and play
    and well,
    i'd better teach
    you how to read
    because i knew from
    the start you'd be
    smarter than me

    so i would travel D
    plus L steps
    n times a day
    to and from weekly
    doctor's visits
    (to and from the toilet
    where my back and
    brain and stomach emptied
    i don't think one part
    of me wasn't throwing
    up)

    and i traversed icy
    sidewalks like they
    were diamonds
    because they were as
    dangerous to my feet
    as cut stones would be

    and you were that precious.

    and i counted
    and lettered the stairs.

    but like a comet arcing,
    you fell, my peach
    and the stairs crumbled
    beneath my feet.

    sometimes when i
    lie below them
    unable to rise
    i see the stars
    shining overhead
    i count them
    and i hear you
    correcting me:
    "No Mommy, no.
    Not 23, 24, 25.
    W, X, Y."

    and i wonder
    how you learned
    those letters.
    Last edited by amuse; 01-27-2006 at 02:30 PM.
    shh!!!
    the air and water have been here a long time, and they are telling stories.

  2. #2
    Springing Riesa's Avatar
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    Amuse, there is real pain here, and it comes across.
    I hurt reading this, for you.
    I don't understand the 'D stairs and L more' lines, Could you explain that?

    Your lying beneath the stairs unable to rise, hits me hard.
    also, traversing the icy streets like they were diamonds. It's beautiful.
    "Don't matter who they are, anybody sets foot in this house, they are company and don't let me catch you remarking on their ways like you were so high and mighty."

  3. #3
    Vincit Qui Se Vincit Virgil's Avatar
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    I think she means that the stairs are lettered to D and to L. I think the narrator is talking to the baby inside her. And of the careful process of bringing the baby to term. I too thought there was real emotion there (a mother to be's fear) but I found the language intriguing as well. Riesa brought up the walking as if on diamonds. I particularly liked this stanza:
    but like a comet arcing,
    you fell, my peach
    and the stairs crumbled
    beneath my feet.
    The second to last stanza brought tears to my eyes. A very touching poem.
    LET THERE BE LIGHT

    "Love follows knowledge." St. Catherine of Siena

    My literature blog: http://ashesfromburntroses.blogspot.com/

  4. #4
    in a blue moon amuse's Avatar
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    yes. i used to count the stairs so i wouldn't fall (there were 4 from the bathroom to the landing and 12 to the bedroom), and at some point i began to say their letters.

    ...thank you Riesa and Virgil for reading this and responding. this was hard to reread (for editing purposes) but i felt better afterward. as if i could "hear" her again.
    Last edited by amuse; 01-28-2006 at 11:37 PM.
    shh!!!
    the air and water have been here a long time, and they are telling stories.

  5. #5
    Box Of Rain Weeping Willow's Avatar
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    This created shivers in my spine.... and tears in my eyes... altough i'm too young to comprehend...
    I felt sorrow, (well i was feeling a bit down before) this great sadness wraping me over..
    and i felt as if i was inside.. hearing the steps.... Wow...
    Thank you for sharing amuse... i bow before you.

  6. #6
    Springing Riesa's Avatar
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    I keep coming back to this poem, and I am aware now how I misread some of it in the beginning. Thanks for clarifying about the stairs. Willow said it best, this great sadness wrapping me over, that's how I felt too, even if I didn't understand it completely the first time. It is very strong. As you must be. Thanks, Amuse, like Willow said, for sharing.
    "Don't matter who they are, anybody sets foot in this house, they are company and don't let me catch you remarking on their ways like you were so high and mighty."

  7. #7
    in a blue moon amuse's Avatar
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    Thank you, Riesa and Weeping Willow...I don't think i've ever appreciated people sharing their support so much as now.
    ...I used to dream about her. I'm sure she was very special. Maybe too special for me to meet. I don't know.

    Thank you both again. It feels better knowing that I could communicate some of what she was to me.
    shh!!!
    the air and water have been here a long time, and they are telling stories.

  8. #8
    The Forgotten Muse water lily's Avatar
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    Amuse, it is full of a sad beauty.
    "What is it all but a trouble of ants
    In the gleam of a million million of suns?"

  9. #9
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    This was really heart wrenching and lovely all at once.

  10. #10
    in a blue moon amuse's Avatar
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    Thank you...I lost my daughter 2 months ago yesterday. She would have been very lovely, and my heart is wrenched. Thank you for commenting on her poem, Darlin.

    and water_lily...many thanks for your comment, as well.

    -Asha
    Last edited by amuse; 03-03-2006 at 05:54 PM.
    shh!!!
    the air and water have been here a long time, and they are telling stories.

  11. #11
    It must have taken a lot of courage to write this amuse. It shouts with your pain but still has room for humour and beauty. I'm not sure I could have managed that. Respect.

  12. #12
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    Thank you for posting your poem. It had a great impact on me, both as a writer and a father.
    Cheers and best wishes, amuse.

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