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Thread: A Really Short Story: The Piano

  1. #1
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    A Really Short Story: The Piano

    Yeah, this story is really short. It was supposed to be for that 50 words thing but ended up being a bit longer. As you can see it's really short, but for this type of thing I think it's long enough, maybe I could've been a bit longer, but it's getting late, so just tell me what you think. This is the song that's being played btw, it should help produce the atmosphere of the story:

    http://www.ne.jp/asahi/hiroko/home/9-2.mid

    It's Nocturne Op.9 No.2 by Chopin

    anyhow here it is, The Piano:

    As music filled the air, I awoke with a warm feeling within my heart. My father played some music and to my surprised he was very good. I was now glad we had gotten that piano the day before. I struggled to wake up, but when I did, I just decided to remain lying on my bed listening to the harmonic air resonate in my ear. My throat started to run dry, but nevertheless I remained still and as the music echoed across the house I felt sleepier and sleepier, but I didn't let myself fall asleep. Eventually though I was getting too thirsty and so I struggled to get up. I walked downstairs reluctantly and crossed the living room, the music got louder and I felt sleepier, nevertheless I kept walking, I chuckled, "what's with the coat, Dad?", I got no reply... my thirst prevented me from caring and forced me to move on. The day was wonderful, the flowers bloomed with elegance, the birds chirped with joy, the wind blew with caution, oddly though, it felt just like a regular day, and so I realized that it was the music that allowed me to see how beautiful the neighborhood was, our neighborhood. I walked to my kitchen and as I did I took another glance at the wonderful outside world, then I opened the cabinet, grabbed a glass and filled it with water. As I drank I noticed the note attached to the refridgerator with a magnet, it seemed rushed though. It read, "Jamie, your father and I are gone, we have something important things to take care of. We left some food inside the fridge for you, make sure you eat. Mom". I finally realized that the car was gone. The music stopped playing at that very second. My heart froze. I'm an only child.

  2. #2
    Registered User Hermia's Avatar
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    Thank you Digital Crash, I like your short story, you have a gift...keep it up. I even have to thank you for Chopin's exquisite nocturne...he's my favourite composer!

  3. #3
    Registered User nps_marina's Avatar
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    Yeah!!!!
    I like your story too... given that there's no 'word limit' here, perhaps you could make it a bit longer for the sake of drama? You know, lengthening the agony...
    He.
    a noiseless, patient spider...

  4. #4
    Talking Mouse Reepicheep's Avatar
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    Great Chopin's Ghost! The length is perfect. One eensy weensy thing: "Something important things" seems redundant. Unless of course it's intentional showing the haste in which Mom wrote it.

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