It is with extreme trepidation that I'm posting these three poems of mine here as I've been going through the posts and know that the comments in general are brutally frank. But they are also, in general extremely insightful, and I REALLY want to write "good" poetry sometime, so I'm taking the risk. Go ahead and tell me the worst! Though of course, if anyone likes anything in any of these poems, I hope I'll hear about that too! :P
Seven years of being an only child,
Everybody's pet who could do nothing wrong!
YOU showed up, brother, unwanted visitor.
I wasn't the baby any more.
They tried to console me,
"You are the big girl now"
Oh, how could they be so obtuse
that they did not see I didn't want to be the "Big girl"?
I climbed into your cot one day
to pretend I was the baby once again.
They laughed and told the story at parties!
I knew then, for the first time, what real hatred was.
No, not them. I hated you,intruder that you were.
Did you ever Know, I wonder how close you often were to death?
So many times when I would have happily strangled you in your cradle
As you lay defenceless;
If only I hadn't been terrified of what THEY might do!
And yet, strangely, at times I loved you.
When no one else was around
And you smiled at me with your toothless gums,
clutching my finger as if you would never let it go
And refused to understand I wanted you out of the way.
Things were better as we grew older,
The fights and teasings were all there,
But though I would have died rather than say it aloud,
I quite started liking having you around.
Disaster struck then,
My ancient wish was granted
When I didn't want it any more!
You died in a senseless mobike upset
And I, the unlucky one survived.
With searing guilt that nearly
Drew me mad.
Each RAKHI day,
I wait in vain, for your outstretched wrist
to tie the sacred thread,
And then have to remind myself that it can never happen again.
Oh, my Brother, beloved enemy,
What would I not give or do
To have you back again,
Even if it were at least to hate you to my hearts content!
Rakhi is a festival in India when all sisters tie a sacred thread on their brothers' wrists, symbolising long life and prosperity.The brothers on their part are expected to give presents to their sisters and promise to love and cherish them always.]
I HAVE FORGOTTEN.....
I just realized it today
And am not sure whether to laugh or weep
But that is a false dilemma
For what I realized
Was that I had forgotten-
Forgotten to feel
And what means smiles or tears
When you cannot feel?
Despise me, reject me, snub me-
Stab me from behind, wash your hands in my blood
You cannot hurt me, you cannot make me cry
Something you could have done so easily before!
Hug me to your bossom, love me, sing lullabies
You cannot soothe me, cannot bring a smile to my lips
Or love to my heart- something again that was so easy before!
No, 'tis too late now- You cannot hurt me, you cannot move me
For Under your teaching, I have forgotten What "tis to feel.
Should I thank you Oh World,
For this brand new armour which neither love nor hate
Nor joy nor despair can pierce? Ah, if I could but recollect
What gratitude was, Then perhaps I would thank you-
But perhaps not- for as usual you did an imperfect job
I have forgotten how to feel, but one feeling remains
How shall I describe it? A blood lust? A love to see searing pain?
A delight to see you in searing pain , tortured in hell fire
While I watch and roar with maniac laughter, gruesome delight
All that is left to me of feeling now, after you taught me -
To forget to feel!
As I said, you botched the job as usual
Even this had to to be flawed, perfection was beyond your reach.
So, I have forgotten to feel- and yet that one feeling
Delight, world, delight in your pain remains.
Was it a mistake after all? Or carefully executed plan?
For had but that one feeling too been wiped out, I had been Olympian
And now because of that remain human-all too human?
Ah, but there are two ways to look at this
Maybe that one feeling was left to make me truly godly
For what else is it to be Jovian
Than to kill for sport and laugh as wanton boys at dismembered flies?
There was a sullen stillness all around
A steely silence cluthching at our throats
Immuring the bedclothes, the room, and even the view outside
The sting of the unsaid, the pain of the unheard, the fear of the unknown
Searing us, charring our flesh,
Each breeze changed to scorching flame
As we lay stiffly side by side,our fingertips almost touching
Could the keenest eye tell that there was space between our bodies?
And yet, in that narrow pass, I heard the great oceans surge and roar
And I stared out blankly across a bleak chasm
Understanding, they say is always painful
And it was then that I first and fully understood
The theorem that I had long ago learned by rote
That all distance,all time and all space were