What Do Women Want?

[starrwriter]

What do women want?

The question haunted Sigmund Freud, who eventually concluded that women want to be men. Thus, his concept of penis envy. But Freud's speculation came during a much more restrictive social era a century ago and most psychologists now think Freud emphasized sex too much.

So what do women want today? I think screenwriter Terrence McNally provided the answer in the 1991 film "Frankie and Johnny," which he adapted from his stage play.

In the movie Michelle Pfeiffer is an aloof waitress in a greasy spoon restaurant. Aloof because she's been burned by men in the past. Al Pacino is a newly-hired cook on parole from prison for forgery. He's horny and obsessed with Pfeiffer (who isn't?) She keeps him at arm's length, saying she can't handle his neediness or intensity. He keeps the pressure on until she finally relents -- with one provision.

This isn't one of those man chases woman until she catches him stories. Quite the contrary, she really doesn't want him in her life at the outset. She's burned out on relationships, but she's also unhappy being alone. In a remarkable scene that should have won Pfeiffer an Academy Award, she tearfully confesses that she's scared of living and dying alone, but equally scared of committing herself to a relationship, and sick of being scared of everything. She's an emotional train wreck, albeit a beautiful one.

But Pacino loves her anyway and she eventually sees that he is sincere. Before she lets him move into her apartment, however, she elicits a promise from him. He must love her and stay with her "no matter what."

As soon as I heard those three words, it struck me that McNally had found the answer to Freud's question. Women want to be loved "no matter what" happens in the relationship. No matter if they get fat, ugly and old. No matter if they turn into high-maintenance emotional mine fields. No matter if they still love the man, but are not "in love" with him any longer (whatever that means.)

In other words, women want unconditional love from a man that lasts forever. My question is: how many men are able or willing to give that, even to a woman who looks as appealing as Michelle Pfeiffer?

[papayahed]

Wow. It sounds like your trying to say that men should be able to cheat because women want/expect too much, and your basing those expectations on a play.

I can't speak for the sisterhood, but this is what I want:

I want a man to be my friend, to be honest and open. Yes, I want some one to love me uncondtionally - when I get fat, ugly, and old - he is also getting fat, ugly, and old (you forgot that part). Unconditionally means being committed to each other, that doesn't work if either is leaving at the first sign of trouble - there will always be trouble.

No matter if they still love the man, but are not "in love" with him any longer (whatever that means.)

I don't want a "fake" relationship. I will not "go through the motions" just to have a man around and I definately don't want to be the "best available choice" for anybody.

[kilted exile]

As far as I have been to able to figure out in my short life to this point women want the following:
1) Someone to kill spiders, bugs and all other manner of creepy-crawlies.
2) Someone who understands that when they say one thing, they actually mean the exact opposite (on a side note if "I'm fine" really means "You're in trouble" why not say so, it makes it easier for us to hide)
3) Someone to listen to them complain about their friends/co-workers.
4) Someone to tell them they dont look fat in various articles of clothing.

j.k

[papayahed]

As far as I have been to able to figure out in my short life to this point women want the following:
1) Someone to kill spiders, bugs and all other manner of creepy-crawlies.
2) Someone who understands that when they say one thing, they actually mean the exact opposite (on a side note if "I'm fine" really means "You're in trouble" why not say so, it makes it easier for us to hide)
3) Someone to listen to them complain about their friends/co-workers.
4) Someone to tell them they dont look fat in various articles of clothing.

j.k

Yeah, those too, but you forgot opening jars.

[lhaeber]

Plenty of men who are wise, cultured and strong are capable and willing (no, reeeally they are) of giving unconditional love. Plenty of women who are wise, cultured and strong and, oh, I almost forgot, beautiful, are capable of giving unconditional love. The thing is, there are too many human beings who are capable of zapping the strength, overusing the wisdom and robbing the culture right from the very souls of their partners and I think that it is that practice that makes people like Starrwriter capable of posing such a question...He is obviously the result of love done gone wrong...
----"No matter if they still love the man, but are not "in love" with him any longer (whatever that means.)" ----
Oh yo poor thing, here's what it means, she didn't want to hurt you. There are men whom we love yet do not fall in love with and you know -- we get told that too!!! Men have baggage too, men need help, they need attention ( boy, do they) and they go off on their own crazy trains too!!!!
I mean, really, I can't think of a worse perdicament than pondering this question all the while wondering if Michelle Pfeiffer really will get old and ugly.

[lhaeber]

As far as I have been to able to figure out in my life to this point men want the following:
Someone to cook, bake, sandwich make, clean, wash, supervise children, sweep, vacuum, entertain his family
Someone who understands that when they say one thing, they actually mean they're never going to do it, probably means they never even heard it, certainly means it'll be forgotten about
Someone to listen to them complain about their friends/co-workers and then invite them over so you can cook, clean and entertain these so-called losers while he drinks all the booze in the house
Someone to tell them they aren't losing their hair

[starrwriter]

He is obviously the result of love done gone wrong...
----"No matter if they still love the man, but are not "in love" with him any longer (whatever that means.)" ----Oh yo poor thing, here's what it means, she didn't want to hurt you.

I knew this thread would lead to potshots at me.

FYI, no woman ever said that to me, but it's happened to most guys I have known and it's apparently so common they make fun of it on TV commercials. That phrase seems disingenuous, deceptive and evasive to me. I don't think it has anything to do with sparing a guy's feelings. And men don't say it to women.

[starrwriter]

It sounds like your trying to say that men should be able to cheat because women want/expect too much...

Not what I was saying at all. I never mentioned cheating because it has nothing to do with the question I posed.

...and your basing those expectations on a play.

Good fiction is full of insights about human nature. Aside from the excellent film I described, I have observed Frankie's behavior in plenty of real women.

[starrwriter]

As far as I have been to able to figure out in my life to this point men want the following: [list]

My God, the woman understands us.
(heh-heh)

[B-Mental]

As far as I have been to able to figure out in my life to this point men want the following:
Someone to cook, bake, sandwich make, clean, wash, supervise children, sweep, vacuum, entertain his family
Someone who understands that when they say one thing, they actually mean they're never going to do it, probably means they never even heard it, certainly means it'll be forgotten about
Someone to listen to them complain about their friends/co-workers and then invite them over so you can cook, clean and entertain these so-called losers while he drinks all the booze in the house
Someone to tell them they aren't losing their hair

I've yet to be involved in a relationship with a woman that could cook as well as me. However, women that can't even make a frozen pizza with directions will tell me how I'm cutting an onion incorrectly.

I could go on and on but lets get back to the topic. You know the one about women. These are generalizations.

They want someone to tell them they look good. Period end of discussion.
They want to be complimented, even if they don't deserve it.
They want you to agree to their point of view in every discussion.
They want to be infallible.
They want someone to ridicule. (One girlfriend would pick on my driving habits, when I let her drive she cruised through a stop sign and into a police cruiser.)
They want someone who will disregard everything, but her own personal welfare.
They want someone that doesn't burp, bleat, snore, toss or turn.
They want someone that will make them feel better than they would were they alone.

The funny thing is that when a woman finds everything she ever wanted, she finds out it isn't what she wants. Start the whole thing over with another subject.

[Basil]

Seriously, am I losing my hair? Will one of you girls look and let me know? Seriously.

[Basil]

The problem is I can't see the back of my own head, so I have no way of telling . . .

[Basil]

I mean, I deserve to know, don't I? Seriously. I could take pictures of the back of my head with a digital camera, but that would just be silly. Won't somebody just tell me? C'mon, I can take it. Going bald isn't such a big deal.

[Basil]

WHY CAN'T I KNOW?? WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE A BIG SECRET??

[lhaeber]

Look, you're not losing your hair already and would you move out of the way so I can see if these pants make my hips look big?