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Thread: To morning,

  1. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by ChuckBukowski
    A world without chocolate
    what a world that would be
    with millions of cocoa beans
    living and free

    Not roasted then ground
    into powdery mush
    but hanging quite daintily
    on a lively green bush

    the babes they would cry
    and the women would moan
    the men would rejoice
    for reclaiming their throne

    longtime relationships would no longer shatter
    as women stared
    and then queried
    "Honey, is my *** getting fatter?"

    "Why, no dear, its not
    now that chocolate is gone.
    Its seems 'twas the culprit
    of corpulent all along."

    And throughout the land
    in every hamlet and hood
    Red Twizzlers would rise
    as the next greatest food
    I love this! Well done!

  2. #47
    Registered User Ranoo's Avatar
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    hi there,
    My family have chocolate's business I'm sure they will be happy by reading this poem. I think they should pay you for this advertisement " just kidding ".This is honestly a splendid poem .
    thank u 4 it
    Last edited by Ranoo; 11-23-2005 at 05:43 PM.
    "you can fool all of the people some of the time;you can fool some of the people all of the time ;but you can't fool all of the people all of the time"

    Abraham Lincon

  3. #48
    Serendipity! Kaltrina's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Samercury
    A world without chocolate !!! What a nightmare that would be. I shiver at the thought.......
    Quote Originally Posted by Nightshade
    To me,
    the epitome,
    of a tragedy,
    would be
    A world without
    chocolate.
    I totally agree with you both...and I really like the poem....

  4. #49
    Lady of Smilies Nightshade's Avatar
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    I cant think of a title

    I was wondering about the punctuation on this can someone have a look at it for me? thanks
    _______________________________________
    What’s the point in holding fast,
    To the anger of the past?
    Is there a point in holding tight,
    Fighting life with all your might?
    There's no point in crying Halt;
    "Stop right now I will revolt!"

    Death comes to all and this is true
    But not the end of my tale for you.
    And so please don't start to cry my dear,
    Don’t you dare shed that tear.

    Cause wherever you go I'll be there
    in the wind that stirs your hair,
    In the water at your feet
    The oceans waves, my heart's beat.

    So think and tell of me, my dear
    Spread the word to all who will hear.
    When we cant be seen anywhere
    We are round you in the air.
    Those you love would never leave,
    A little hope you must believe.
    Last edited by Nightshade; 01-10-2006 at 04:43 PM.
    My mission in life is to make YOU smile
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    "The time has come," the Walrus said,"To talk of many things:

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  5. #50
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    I always think poetry is very personal and the punctuation depends upon the individual or the mood. A big fan of e e cummings I can skip it altogether but I did look your lovely poem over and here’s what I think you may want to change.

    First verse:

    Second and fourth lines should end with a question mark – past? might?

    Last line maybe an exclamation mark or a period – revolt!”

    Second verse:

    Death come should be - Death comes


    Third verse: (my favorite, btw)

    Cause wherever you go Ill be there – Ill should be - I’ll

    Last verse:

    Third line cant should be – can’t

    Hope this helps.

  6. #51
    Lady of Smilies Nightshade's Avatar
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    Thabnks me and punctuation don't mix much
    My mission in life is to make YOU smile
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "The time has come," the Walrus said,"To talk of many things:

    Forum Rules- You know you want to read 'em

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  7. #52
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    You're very welcome, Night. It's a sorrowful and yet sweet poem. I think you can get a title out of the last two lines or some of the others perhaps.

  8. #53
    Lady of Smilies Nightshade's Avatar
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    Well it wants to be called Grass harp or have you heard the grass harps?
    At the moment Im arguing with it.
    My mission in life is to make YOU smile
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "The time has come," the Walrus said,"To talk of many things:

    Forum Rules- You know you want to read 'em

    |Litnet Challange status = 5/260
    |currently reading

  9. #54
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    Nice poem...
    Nothing but nothingness

  10. #55
    Lady of Smilies Nightshade's Avatar
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    thanks avalive
    My mission in life is to make YOU smile
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "The time has come," the Walrus said,"To talk of many things:

    Forum Rules- You know you want to read 'em

    |Litnet Challange status = 5/260
    |currently reading

  11. #56
    Lady of Smilies Nightshade's Avatar
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    Path of a dream.

    Another "word experiment"
    Im not sure about the second to last line being balanced what do you think??
    ____________________________________

    Where the tear of the unicorn falls
    There rises a golden mist
    Guiding us, it leads on
    Hinting at utter bliss.

    “Tread softly” says the voice
    As ethereal maidens dance
    Let us not stray from the path
    Lest we be homeward bound.

    At the crossroads we must part
    He goes on and fades away
    And I- I turn back
    To face another day.
    My mission in life is to make YOU smile
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "The time has come," the Walrus said,"To talk of many things:

    Forum Rules- You know you want to read 'em

    |Litnet Challange status = 5/260
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  12. #57
    Metamorphosing Pensive's Avatar
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    Hey Night, this is good but I think that in:

    Where the tear of the unicorn falls
    There rises a golden mist
    Guiding us, it leads on
    Hinting at utter bliss.

    You are loosing the balance and there is no rhythm. But I love the last one:

    At the crossroads we must part
    He goes on and fades away
    And I- I turn back
    To face another day.
    I sang of leaves, of leaves of gold, and leaves of gold there grew.

  13. #58
    Lady of Smilies Nightshade's Avatar
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    Ahh there wasnt meant to be a rhym except at the end to round it off. Thanks anyhow. Why is the balance off do you think?
    My mission in life is to make YOU smile
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "The time has come," the Walrus said,"To talk of many things:

    Forum Rules- You know you want to read 'em

    |Litnet Challange status = 5/260
    |currently reading

  14. #59
    Metamorphosing Pensive's Avatar
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    I think that "mist" and "bliss" do not seem to rhyme together much but overall it is pretty good.
    I sang of leaves, of leaves of gold, and leaves of gold there grew.

  15. #60
    Lady of Smilies Nightshade's Avatar
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    noted thanks
    My mission in life is to make YOU smile
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "The time has come," the Walrus said,"To talk of many things:

    Forum Rules- You know you want to read 'em

    |Litnet Challange status = 5/260
    |currently reading

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