The Day After Summer

[gatsbysghost]

The coming of fall brings to mind
the faintest whiff of firs and pines
Nature's kaleidoscope and filtered light
A cloud of birds and their frantic flight
A race against time and prevailing winds
Their summer homes shut tight again
The sweet aroma of dead leaves
Glistening brightly from the innaugural freeze
Left gilded and auburn by a fleeting sun
who feels as if its work is done.

[b]

Hello gatsbysghost,

Nice poem! You really are a painter with words, with a very strong and imaging style.

There are - however - a few things that you might make more consistent, such as the metre and sound of some of the lines. For example: in the third line you write 'Nature's kaleidoscope (and filtered light)', wich is not metrically not harmonic - in my point of view - in relation to the lines before and after.

The repetitio of 'A' in 'A cloud' - 'A race' is somehting I woudn't use, for it dominates the sound of the poem and distracts my attention to a relatively irrelevant detail of the poem.

[gatsbysghost]

thanks for the comments. Both of those problems would have been easily solved had I just structured the poem in rhyming couplets eg.

a
a

b
b

c
c etc. instead of just lumping it all into one stanza. It was laziness on my part.