It All Depends Upon Your Point Of View
by
DATo
Melvin Abercrombie was a contented man. He was happy with his employment at ACME Pastries were he was employed as a master baker, and when he wasn’t working he enjoyed participating in a variety of amusements to pass the time. On this balmy Saturday morning Melvin could be observed leisurely walking down Mulberry Avenue on his way to the strip mall on the edge of his neighborhood. Melvin had a purchase to make and he was aware ..... he was aware ..... he was ....
Wait a minute, wait a minute, hold the show. What’s going on here? I don’t know any Abercrombie. What? Who are you? The author? What’s your name? DATo? I don’t know any DATo. What the hell kind of name is that anyhow? What am I doing in this story? Well, of COURSE I’m the narrator, Jonathan P. Narrator to be precise. I come from a long line of distinguished Narrators. My great, great, great, great grandfather was the narrator of The Canterbury Tales I’ll have you know. No! I will NOT continue with the story till I get some answers. Who do you think you are bossing around anyway? Insubordination? WHAT! You can’t demote me. I am registered with the Narrator’s Guild as a Third Person Omniscient narrator. I worked hard for that rank and I’m not going to sit here and ... wait ... wait ... NOT SECOND-PERSON-LIMITED ... NO ... DON’T DO IT! ... STOP!
Melvin and I had planned to meet at the pet store on Lexington Street to buy feed for our parakeets, but why Melvin insisted on wanting to meet at this early hour I could not guess. For some odd reason I am led to suspect that Melvin has something else on the agenda of which he has not informed me. I suppose I could ask the author of this ridiculous story to tell me but he is such an unreasonable *** that I doubt ....
No, no, no ... I didn’t mean it Mr. DATo. It just slipped out. Well, I was upset and ... Huh? ... You wouldn’t! You couldn’t! Can’t we talk this over? Would it help if I said I was sorry? Oh my God NO ... not that! Not FIRST-PERSON-DIALOUGUE. HAVE MERCY!!!
Hello, I’m Melvin Abercrombie and I’m on my way to buy some bird seed. I would just love to tell you about my pet parakeet and to describe him in the exact manner which the author of this story wishes me to, without complaint and cheerfully.
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