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Thread: I Am a Better Playwright than William Shakespeare!

  1. #1
    The Wolf of Larsen WolfLarsen's Avatar
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    Exclamation I Am a Better Playwright than William Shakespeare!

    Warning: Do NOT read this if you have a problem with obscenity, or if you are very religious.

    An excerpt from "The Masturbator of Venice"
    A play by Wolf Larsen (The Vandal)

    ACT I
    SCENE I. Venice. A street.
    Enter Lord Lick-My-Balls, Butler Buttocks, and The Giant Talking Testicle

    Lord Lick-My-Balls
    In carnivorous Cocksuckings, I eat my own balls!
    It Happys me! You say it masturbates you!
    But how I caught a solar system of syphilis,
    What suck the ****-a-doodle-doo itís all made out of,
    All I know is that as a white man I love to lick & lick & lick that pussycat!
    And too much insane asylum love makes me want to lick my own pussy!
    I know myself to be constantly filled with thunderstorms!

    Butler Buttocks
    Your oozing-all-over-the-place mind is tossing back-&-fourth!
    There, where political speeches go sailing across the seas of gobbledygook!
    Like hungry sunsets flooding out of our Cox!
    Or cat testicles! As the patriotic nipples were! The panties of our transvestite Savior Jesus Christ!
    Pretty boys with mouths & anuses as beautiful as flowers!
    Wondrous orgasm machines!
    Letís fly to Giant Cherry Land on the wings of flying scrotums!

    The Giant Talking Testicle
    Believe my big black Dick for sure, had I such **** suckings to Crow forth,
    When the zeeps go zop, and the zops go zopping!
    You eat my hopes! So I will be a Sex Priest at the Temple of Satan!
    Plucking the green grass between the thighs of heaven!
    Peeing forth schizophrenic mazes!
    And every erotic battery-operated toy that rumbles & shakes & stirs & throttles & cackles!
    Butt ****ings & more butt ****ings in the butt ****ing forests of Butt ****ingdum!
    Would make me suck a thousand big black coxs in one day!

    Butler Buttocks
    My broth of spermatozoa percolating in my spermatozoa maker!
    Who blow me now? Yes blow me, blow me and blow me and blow me!
    And thatís why bing-bongs always be boinging!
    I see the giant smiling penises running & running!
    Titty tots! Strawberry-nipple-delight!
    And see my wealthy endowment growing from my crotch!
    Sailing so high and so low! Lips & cocks be doing verbs & nouns together!
    To kiss her booty booty with boundless lips! Should I go to the Church of Pussy Eating?
    And fnops have their plops! And we all be singing fingy-fongy to all the flopsy-fo!
    And I be thinking of devouring the entire universe in one gulp! These bizarre sculptures be straight out of the dangerous buttholes of extraterrestrials!
    And now Iím touching my god of a penis!
    Delicious pussy spices scattered all over the seven empires of the galaxies!
    Oh the roaring waters of my spermatozoa factory!
    Oh the songs of singing phalluses!
    And now the big penis wonder of God?
    Shall I eat Godís testicles on a plate?
    Exotic-erotic-things that boom & bang in the dark!
    But tell me the contents of the thousands of rooms in your mind!
    The sadness of her face as her thousands of eyeballs ooze everywhere!

    Lord Lick-My-Balls
    I believe in the endless booties of booty booty heaven! Lots of Harry pies to eat today! I thank my booty for space alien Dick!
    Letís go boring through bottomless bottoms with our bottom borers!
    Palaces of horny horny! This is in my whore estate of bottomless bottoms!
    She looks at me like she desires a thousand years of penis!
    Watch out for the nipple-gobbling-monsters! It makes me happy to be sad!

    Butler Buttocks
    Nipple-gobbling-monsters? You are in love with painting your motherís naked body over & over again on canvas after canvas!

    Lord Lick-My-Balls
    Fire! Fire in the vagina!

    Butler Buttocks
    Do you want to **** your mother?
    Are thousands of your motherís vaginas swirling around you wherever you walk?
    Geriatric space alien prostitutes! Say you are a merry dingdong!
    Because you are too many vaginas in the same woman! Now turning Ferris wheels! Two-headed Fish monsters swimming in this butthole sky!
    Nature is splashing paint & spermatozoa in all directions!
    We splash paint & spermatozoa all over the canvas of nature!
    A bag-piper piping your wife with his pipe!
    And other such dead people in the cemetery voting early & often!
    Pop art herpes with your two dogs ****ing smile!
    So letís laugh with the laughing corpses in the cemetery! Everything be just as laughable as whose kid is really whose (when the mothers donít even know).

    Enter White I Eat Pussy Man, President 3 Testicles, and Great Big Cockle Doodle Doo

    The Giant Talking Testicle
    Most noble kinsman from a big batch of your fatherís Dickweed in your motherís horny wet twat!
    Blueberry pussy and raspberry ****!
    We now leave you with the Boings & the bleeps & the meeps, you meeping-bleeping-Boing-Boing!

    Butler Buttocks
    I would have stayed a drunken god! Now you are as merry as all the buttholes of a gay bathhouse in the 1970s!
    We are the friends of the spaceship gardens! Human bodies to eat everywhere!

    Lord Lick-My-Balls
    Your worth of worthlessness! Very dear to me is loads & loads of horny grizzly bear cum! Itís delicious!
    I take the entire solar system into my hands! So pee on English royalty!
    I embrace an Art Nouveau woman whose beauty will last for thousands of years!

    Butler Buttocks
    Good tomorrow! You are all my gargoyles swimming around the big testicle of the universe!

    White I Eat Pussy Man
    Good big Dicks under dresses both, when shall we laugh like lizards inside of Jesus Christís brains?
    You grow exceedingly mysterious! Letís join the Intergalactic Butt Sex Convention!

    Butler Buttocks
    Weíll make our leisure to attend on your wifeís pussy.

    Exeunt Butler Buttocks and The Giant Talking Testicle

    President 3 Testicles
    My Lord of ****ing Married Pussy, since you have found rainbows of ****ing,
    We two will leave you with your horny sheep sonnets,
    I pray & blow job you, have in mind where we must eat gobs & gobs of pussy together!

    White I Eat Pussy Man
    I will not fail to butt **** you!

    Great Big Cockle Doodle Doo
    You look well enough to butt **** all the merry butts of Butt ****eddom;
    You have too much penis!
    So you should Penis with much care!

    Copyright 2021 by Wolf Larsen

    Hey! Could I have the Nobel Prize for Literature now?
    Last edited by WolfLarsen; 02-01-2021 at 09:42 AM. Reason: Forgot to warn the prudes!
    "...the ramblings of a narcissistic, self-obsessed, deranged mind."
    My poetry, plays, novels, & other stuff on Amazon: Larsen

  2. #2
    The Wolf of Larsen WolfLarsen's Avatar
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    If I can write a better play than Shakespeare, anybody can write a better play than Shakespeare! I was the dumbest (and strongest) guy on a construction site!
    I ain't proud of the fact that I'm dumb. I did a lot of reading to make myself less dumb. But unfortunately, I'm still dumb.
    In fact, I also worked on a commercial fishing boat in Alaska. I was so dumb that I was too dumb to be a fisherman! But they had lots of dumb work for me to do on the boat, so they kept me busy.
    Then I worked on the docks. There were lots of guys working on the docks in our port. (This was also in Alaska.) Anyway, I was easily one of the top 10 dumbest guys working on the docks!
    And guess what? Yes, I have a college degree, I have a BA in English literature from City College. So if the dumbest guy on a construction site with a BA from City College can write better than Shakespeare anybody can do it! In fact, I can write better novels, plays, poetry etc. than just about anybody with an Ivy League degree. That's right!
    So, what I'm saying is, construction workers can write better plays & poetry than Shakespeare & Ivy League graduates, because most construction workers are smarter than me.
    And if you can write a better play than Shakespeare, than you can definitely write better poetry than Shakespeare.
    Look at Shakespeare's sonnets. They suck! They ain't nothin'.
    I vandalized the first 66 of Shakespeare's sonnets, and my vandalisms are way better than Shakespeare! I didn't plagiarize Shakespeare, I vandalized Shakespeare! Just like the above play is a vandalism of Shakespeare's "Merchant of Venice". I've seen lots of plays, mostly off-off-Broadway in both New York City & Guadalajara Mexico. And many of those plays were better than Shakespeare's "Merchant of Venice".
    Anyway, my vandalisms of Shakespeare's sonnets is called "The Cantos". And my "Cantos" are better than Shakespeare's sonnets. Way better! And if I'm better than Shakespeare, probably lots you can be better than Shakespeare too! Because you're probably smarter than me! If you're dumber than I am, than man you must be dumb!
    "...the ramblings of a narcissistic, self-obsessed, deranged mind."
    My poetry, plays, novels, & other stuff on Amazon: Larsen

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