SANTA’S HELPERS HAVE A CRICKET TEAM
Santa’s Helpers have a cricket team
And they play when they can
They have no problem getting numbers
And the substitute is twelf man
IN SANTA’S CHRISTMAS VILLAGE
In Santa’s Christmas village
What do you call a female Elf?
Well not an Elfess or Elfette
So, the name would be “a Shelf”
SANTA CLAUS PASSED HIS TEST
Santa Claus passed his test
One fine frost filled day
Which was evidenced
By Noel plates on the sleigh
SANTA’S SLEIGH BROKE DOWN
Santa’s sleigh broke down
So, he stopped a passing motorist
Who offered to give him a toe
But then he was a Chiropodist
A BROKEN DRUM IS THE BEST
A broken drum is the best
Christmas gift you can get
That might come as a surprise
But you really can’t beat it
THERE’S A MEAN FEMALE AT THE POLE
There’s a mean female at the Pole
Playing all the reindeer games
“Olive, the other reindeer, used
To laugh and call him names”
CHRISTMAS EVE AT THE NORTH POLE
Christmas Eve at the North Pole
Under moonlit skies
Creeping around the Village
Are the Mince spies
SANTA HAS TO WORK HARDER THIS YEAR
Santa has to work harder this year
At the North Pole I fear
Since the jackpot of Euromillions
Was one by Santa minions
WHEN HE ONLY RECEIVED BATTERIES
When he only received batteries
His enthusiasm was muted
But there was a hand written note
Which read “Toys not included”
A FAMOUS CHRISTMAS STORY
A famous Christmas Story
Contains a well-known character
Who died eating Macaroni
He’s the Ghost of Christmas pasta
EATING CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS
Eating Christmas decorations
Caused something of a crisis
With a sore throat and a fever
Ending with a case of Tinselitis
I DON’T WANT A CHRISTMAS GIFT
I don’t want a Christmas gift
That’s very practical
Nor a homemade present
Or something musical
Not an article for wearing
Nothing thoughtful or twee
No items for the garden
Or anything scented fragrantly
And nothing so expensive that
The value is shocking
I just want something shapely
In a Christmas stocking
CHRISTMAS EVE IN THE KENNELS
It was Christmas Eve in the kennels
And all the canines were all agog
They all made merry all night long
Finishing by singing Fleas Navi Dog
PUZZLED AUNTY
Bimbette wouldn’t buy
Her niece a jigsaw
For Christmas Even though
She’d asked for it before
It was Because it was labelled
6-8 years
So not finishing it in the two week
Holiday was her fear
THEY FIRST MET ON A SPECIAL CHRISTMAS EVE
They first met on a special Christmas Eve
And chemistry sparked between the two
When passions fires were truly quenched
He asked before bidding her a fond adieu
“What are you doing on New Year’s Eve?”
She replied “oh I’m definitely doing you”
THIS YEAR I’M GOING TO STAY UP
This year I’m going to stay up
On New Year’s Eve
Not to see in 2021
But to make sure 2020 leaves