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Thread: Christmas 2020 # 2

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    Christmas 2020 # 2

    SANTA’S HELPERS HAVE A CRICKET TEAM

    Santa’s Helpers have a cricket team
    And they play when they can
    They have no problem getting numbers
    And the substitute is twelf man

    IN SANTA’S CHRISTMAS VILLAGE

    In Santa’s Christmas village
    What do you call a female Elf?
    Well not an Elfess or Elfette
    So, the name would be “a Shelf”

    SANTA CLAUS PASSED HIS TEST

    Santa Claus passed his test
    One fine frost filled day
    Which was evidenced
    By Noel plates on the sleigh

    SANTA’S SLEIGH BROKE DOWN

    Santa’s sleigh broke down
    So, he stopped a passing motorist
    Who offered to give him a toe
    But then he was a Chiropodist

    A BROKEN DRUM IS THE BEST

    A broken drum is the best
    Christmas gift you can get
    That might come as a surprise
    But you really can’t beat it

    THERE’S A MEAN FEMALE AT THE POLE

    There’s a mean female at the Pole
    Playing all the reindeer games
    “Olive, the other reindeer, used
    To laugh and call him names”

    CHRISTMAS EVE AT THE NORTH POLE

    Christmas Eve at the North Pole
    Under moonlit skies
    Creeping around the Village
    Are the Mince spies

    SANTA HAS TO WORK HARDER THIS YEAR

    Santa has to work harder this year
    At the North Pole I fear
    Since the jackpot of Euromillions
    Was one by Santa minions

    WHEN HE ONLY RECEIVED BATTERIES

    When he only received batteries
    His enthusiasm was muted
    But there was a hand written note
    Which read “Toys not included”

    A FAMOUS CHRISTMAS STORY

    A famous Christmas Story
    Contains a well-known character
    Who died eating Macaroni
    He’s the Ghost of Christmas pasta

    EATING CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS

    Eating Christmas decorations
    Caused something of a crisis
    With a sore throat and a fever
    Ending with a case of Tinselitis

    I DON’T WANT A CHRISTMAS GIFT

    I don’t want a Christmas gift
    That’s very practical
    Nor a homemade present
    Or something musical
    Not an article for wearing
    Nothing thoughtful or twee
    No items for the garden
    Or anything scented fragrantly
    And nothing so expensive that
    The value is shocking
    I just want something shapely
    In a Christmas stocking

    CHRISTMAS EVE IN THE KENNELS

    It was Christmas Eve in the kennels
    And all the canines were all agog
    They all made merry all night long
    Finishing by singing Fleas Navi Dog

    PUZZLED AUNTY

    Bimbette wouldn’t buy
    Her niece a jigsaw
    For Christmas Even though
    She’d asked for it before
    It was Because it was labelled
    6-8 years
    So not finishing it in the two week
    Holiday was her fear

    THEY FIRST MET ON A SPECIAL CHRISTMAS EVE

    They first met on a special Christmas Eve
    And chemistry sparked between the two
    When passions fires were truly quenched
    He asked before bidding her a fond adieu
    “What are you doing on New Year’s Eve?”
    She replied “oh I’m definitely doing you”

    THIS YEAR I’M GOING TO STAY UP

    This year I’m going to stay up
    On New Year’s Eve
    Not to see in 2021
    But to make sure 2020 leaves

  2. #2
    Registered User tailor STATELY's Avatar
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    Lol... a bit more than a homophone short of perfection... but close. A very belated Merry Christmas 2020 !

    Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
    tailor
    tailor

    who am I but a stitch in time
    what if I were to bare my soul
    would you see me origami

    7-8-2015

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