MY MUM HAS A TERRIBLE PROBLEM

My mum has a terrible problem
“Please get help” I implore her
Because she suffers from OCD
Obsessive Christmas Disorder

ADOLPH HITLER REALLY LOVED CHRISTMAS

Adolph Hitler really loved Christmas
That much Is perfectly clear
He loved the sleigh and the team
But Blitzen was his favourite reindeer?

THE FAMILY USED TO LIVE IN LOS ANGLES

The family used to live in Los Angles
Until just a few year ago
But we moved to Santa Monica
Because dad is Christmas crazy
And we had to live somewhere
That begins with the word "Santa."

HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN @ XMAS

Her Majesty the Queen
Decorates her own Christmas Tree
And at Balmoral Castle this year
She awarded it an OBE

A BELL RINGER GOT THE BELL ROPE

A Bell ringer got the bell rope
Tangled around his thigh
And as a result, he caught
His ding dong merrily on high

WHEN I WAS A KID @ XMAS

When I was a kid
On Christmas Morning
The day began
With excited howls
Of “Has he been?”
Because we didn’t get gifts
Until my Dad
Had evacuated his bowels

CHRISTMAS LIGHTING CEREMONY

“I’m switching on the Christmas lights
In Cardiff” My Brother told me excitedly
But in typical minor celebrity fashion he added
“I didn’t even know they had electricity”

PREMIER INN ADVENT CALENDAR

I got an Advent Calendar this year
From the Hotel chain “Premier Inn”
With a chocolate behind every window
But of course, you couldn’t open them

MICROSOFT ADVENT CALENDAR

I got a Microsoft Advent Calendar
This year, but if you should open
Too many Windows, They will,
For no apparent reason all close again

I WAS PUNCHING BUTTONS ALL DAY

I was punching Buttons all day
But I got the sack though
Which was a little disappointing
Because I liked doing Panto

MY MATE IS PLANNING A TRIP TO LAPLAND

My mate is planning a trip to Lapland
As his kids really want to go
He would prefer elves landing on his lap
At Santa’s Village bar à gogo

THE FAMILIAR SHOUT AT A PANTOMIME

The familiar shout at a pantomime
Is “it’s behind you”
But if the actor is a former great
We shout “it’s beneath you”

IN SANTA’S VILLAGE AT THE NORTH POLE

In Santa’s village at the north pole
They watch a lot of Christmas TV
Christmas movies are most popular
Watched on Yule tube obviously

VISITING ETHOS

Santa Claus definitely
Has the right idea
When he only visits
People once a year

WHEN RUDOLPH HAD AN UPSET STOMACH

When Rudolph had an upset stomach
It was one of Santa little helpers
Who came to the sick Reindeers rescue
And gave him some Elka-seltzer

MY NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION

My New Year’s resolution
And my reasoning is sound
And that is to get in shape,
In the end, I chose round