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Thread: Christmas 2020 # 1

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    Christmas 2020 # 1

    MY MUM HAS A TERRIBLE PROBLEM

    My mum has a terrible problem
    “Please get help” I implore her
    Because she suffers from OCD
    Obsessive Christmas Disorder

    ADOLPH HITLER REALLY LOVED CHRISTMAS

    Adolph Hitler really loved Christmas
    That much Is perfectly clear
    He loved the sleigh and the team
    But Blitzen was his favourite reindeer?

    THE FAMILY USED TO LIVE IN LOS ANGLES

    The family used to live in Los Angles
    Until just a few year ago
    But we moved to Santa Monica
    Because dad is Christmas crazy
    And we had to live somewhere
    That begins with the word "Santa."

    HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN @ XMAS

    Her Majesty the Queen
    Decorates her own Christmas Tree
    And at Balmoral Castle this year
    She awarded it an OBE

    A BELL RINGER GOT THE BELL ROPE

    A Bell ringer got the bell rope
    Tangled around his thigh
    And as a result, he caught
    His ding dong merrily on high

    WHEN I WAS A KID @ XMAS

    When I was a kid
    On Christmas Morning
    The day began
    With excited howls
    Of “Has he been?”
    Because we didn’t get gifts
    Until my Dad
    Had evacuated his bowels

    CHRISTMAS LIGHTING CEREMONY

    “I’m switching on the Christmas lights
    In Cardiff” My Brother told me excitedly
    But in typical minor celebrity fashion he added
    “I didn’t even know they had electricity”

    PREMIER INN ADVENT CALENDAR

    I got an Advent Calendar this year
    From the Hotel chain “Premier Inn”
    With a chocolate behind every window
    But of course, you couldn’t open them

    MICROSOFT ADVENT CALENDAR

    I got a Microsoft Advent Calendar
    This year, but if you should open
    Too many Windows, They will,
    For no apparent reason all close again

    I WAS PUNCHING BUTTONS ALL DAY

    I was punching Buttons all day
    But I got the sack though
    Which was a little disappointing
    Because I liked doing Panto

    MY MATE IS PLANNING A TRIP TO LAPLAND

    My mate is planning a trip to Lapland
    As his kids really want to go
    He would prefer elves landing on his lap
    At Santa’s Village bar à gogo

    THE FAMILIAR SHOUT AT A PANTOMIME

    The familiar shout at a pantomime
    Is “it’s behind you”
    But if the actor is a former great
    We shout “it’s beneath you”

    IN SANTA’S VILLAGE AT THE NORTH POLE

    In Santa’s village at the north pole
    They watch a lot of Christmas TV
    Christmas movies are most popular
    Watched on Yule tube obviously

    VISITING ETHOS

    Santa Claus definitely
    Has the right idea
    When he only visits
    People once a year

    WHEN RUDOLPH HAD AN UPSET STOMACH

    When Rudolph had an upset stomach
    It was one of Santa little helpers
    Who came to the sick Reindeers rescue
    And gave him some Elka-seltzer

    MY NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION

    My New Year’s resolution
    And my reasoning is sound
    And that is to get in shape,
    In the end, I chose round

  2. #2
    Registered User tailor STATELY's Avatar
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    Lol

    "Elka-seltzer" took me a while to get it.

    Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
    tailor
    tailor

    who am I but a stitch in time
    what if I were to bare my soul
    would you see me origami

    7-8-2015

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