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Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 311

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    A Little Bit Of Humour # 311

    HUMEROUS HAIKU # 6

    The left eye once said
    To the right eye, Between you
    And me, something smells

    MY DOCTOR TOLD ME TO DO SOMETHING

    My doctor told me to do something
    That leaves me breathless
    So Iíve started smoking again
    Now Iím breathless and stressless

    MATRIMONIAL TOME

    Sometimes I wish
    My wife was a book
    Simply because
    You can shut up a book

    TIM VINE STARTS BY SHOUTING

    Tim Vine starts by shouting
    The chimney puns out
    Heís got a stack of them
    The first one is on the house

    IT'S SAD THAT IN DEMOCRATIC AMERICA

    It's sad that in Democratic America
    That Black Friday gives them more of a lift
    Than Good Friday, as they are more
    Interested in bargains than the greatest gift

    A SLUG IS A CURIOSITY

    A slug is a curiosity
    But if you check their genome
    Youíll find they are snails
    Who have lost their home

    SOMEBODY COMPLIMENTED ME

    Somebody complimented me
    On my driving today, thatís right mine
    They even left a little note to say
    And the envelope read ĎParking Fine.í

    HOGWARTS ISNíT A PERFECT SCHOOL # 1

    Hogwarts isnít a perfect school
    Because thereís a lot of bullying
    They really try to keep them out
    But somehow, they still Slytherin

    KARMA RESTAURANT

    I went to a new restaurant
    Called ďKarmaĒ and I observed
    There was no menu, but everybody
    Got what they deserved

    DIFFERENCES # 4

    There is a difference,
    Which you will find,
    Is quite definite
    Between a plastic model,
    And an MP.
    As one is a glue less kit

    BUYING POWER

    There are some who say
    Money canít buy everything
    Of course, there are others
    Who just resort to shoplifting

    WHENEVER I DECIDE TO EAT HEALTHILY

    Whenever I decide to eat healthily,
    In order to fit into my knickers,
    I suddenly see a chocolate bar
    Which then looks at me and snickers

    KNOWING PEOPLE AS I DO

    Knowing people as I do
    I know somewhere, someone
    At this very moment
    Is showering with a mask on

    I WAS TIED UP IN THE DAIRY

    I was tied up in the dairy
    By a milkmaid
    Just the other day
    Which was where
    She inflicted on me
    Fifty shades of Whey

    GLASS NOT HALF FULL

    I have to say Iím not
    A ďglass half fullĒ
    Type of person
    Iím more of a
    ďWhere did I put my glassĒ
    Kind of person

    I WAS TOLD I NEEDED A BRAIN TRANSPLANT

    I was told I needed a brain transplant,
    But I didnít want anything of that kind
    But the Doctors kept going on at me
    So eventually they changed my mind

    THE SAND WAS WET

    The sand was wet
    Very wet indeed
    And that was because
    The seaweed

    CULINARY DIFFERENCES

    The difference between
    Pea soup and roast beef
    Is simple enough to deduce
    You can roast beef

    WELL UNCLE BEN IS RACIST

    Well Uncle Ben is racist
    Or so the Woke decry
    And thatís the end of him
    So, no more Mr Rice Guy

    SAYING SOMETHING KIND

    Saying something kind,
    Will cost you nout
    Shut up altogether will
    Cost even less no doubt

    HUMEROUS HAIKU # 1

    I heard about the
    Claustrophobic astronaut
    Who wanted some space

  2. #2
    Registered User tailor STATELY's Avatar
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    DIFFERENCES # 4... LOL

    Great collection.

    Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
    tailor
    tailor

    who am I but a stitch in time
    what if I were to bare my soul
    would you see me origami

    7-8-2015

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