Results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 309

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Woking, United Kingdom
    Posts
    2,279
    Blog Entries
    109

    A Little Bit Of Humour # 309

    OLD AGE SUCKS # 1

    I sat down on a park bench
    So, I could pull up my socks
    Sadly, I wasn’t wearing any
    God getting old really sucks

    I KNOW I’M GETTING OLD # 4

    I know I’m getting old
    In the most fundamental of ways
    When children ask me
    What it was like in the olden days

    DIFFERENCES # 2

    There is definitely a difference,
    So please make no mistake,
    Between crisps and a condom
    One of them you salt and shake

    WHEN YOU ARE WRITING A STORY

    When you are writing a story
    About losing your virginity
    Please do one thing for certain
    And put it in the first person

    FOLLOW THE LIGHT

    When I died, I headed
    Towards the light
    Slow and steady
    But it turned out
    I’d been reincarnated
    As a moth already

    WHEN LOBSTERS ARE APART

    When Lobsters are apart
    So as not to feel alone
    They regularly keep in touch
    On the Shellular phone

    DEMENTIA

    I think my grandparents
    Are suffering from dementia
    Because granddad asked my gran
    As they sat together on the sofa
    “Whatever happened
    To our sexual relations dear?”
    And the answer she gave
    Is what gave me cause to fear
    “I don’t know, we didn’t even get
    A Christmas card from them this year”

    FLY AND THE SPIDER

    Why oh why
    Did the fly, fly?
    Because the spider
    Spied her

    REMEMBER YOUR VOTE COUNTS

    Remember your vote counts
    In a Democracy
    But your Count votes
    In a feudal society
    THE WARRIOR WAS REWARDED

    The warrior was rewarded
    For his performance in the arena
    When he was given a young woman
    From the temple of Vesta
    Who he happily devoured,
    And afterwards he was Gladiator

    I AM FAT AND MY GOAL IS TO SLIM DOWN

    I am fat and my goal is to slim down
    To a healthy weight that my heart can afford
    But for now, my ambition is to put
    Half a box of chocolates back in the cupboard

    FOGHORN LEGHORN WORKS OUT

    Foghorn Leghorn works out
    And gives his muscles a flex
    As he keeps himself in shape
    And concentrates on his pecks

    EPIC LOVE TALES

    The tale is about
    Epic loves, to cut a long
    Story short – the end

    CROMWELL AND THE KING

    “I do apologize” Cromwell said
    To King Charles the first, before
    Having him beheaded on the block
    “Don’t mention it” the King replied
    “I regret I’m the cause of this chore
    Then both men bowed to the other
    But it was after all, the Civil War

    DESICCATED WIFE

    Henry the Eight desiccated his dead wife
    Though she had always been a paragon,
    Then she was finely chopped and put in a jar
    And that’s the tale of Catherine of tarragon

    JULIUS CAESAR

    Julius Caesar
    Julius deflowers her
    Julius dumps her

    THE BRIDE TO BE WAS AT THE POULTRY FARM

    The bride to be was at the Poultry farm
    Watching the birds scratching and pecking
    And she was absolutely raging, because
    It wasn’t the hen night she was expecting

    LILY DIED

    Lily died as she wouldn’t give up wheat
    Which was the death of her
    But she didn’t have an allergy
    She was killed by a Combine harvester

    MY GREAT GRANDFATHER NEVER

    My Great Grandfather never
    Threw anything away in his decade
    Which was a shame really
    As he was killed by a hand grenade

    A DISILLUSIONED VET WROTE A BOOK

    A disillusioned vet wrote a book
    And it is a real kiss and tell
    About his life and times, entitled
    All creatures grunt and smell

  2. #2
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    810
    I enjoyed those.

  3. #3

  4. #4
    Registered User tailor STATELY's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Gold Country
    Posts
    18,198
    Blog Entries
    13
    lol

    Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
    tailor
    tailor

    who am I but a stitch in time
    what if I were to bare my soul
    would you see me origami

    7-8-2015

Similar Threads

  1. A Little Bit Of Humour # 158
    By Biggus in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 01-15-2016, 04:39 AM
  2. A Little Bit Of Humour # 156
    By Biggus in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 11-04-2015, 10:24 AM
  3. A Little Bit Of Humour # 157
    By Biggus in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 11-04-2015, 09:38 AM
  4. A Little Bit Of Humour # 155
    By Biggus in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 10-29-2015, 04:40 AM
  5. A Little Bit Of Humour # 143
    By Biggus in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 06-29-2015, 08:25 AM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •