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Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 307

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    A Little Bit Of Humour # 307

    IíM SOMETHING OF A JOKER # 9

    Iím something of a joker
    But being a comic is tough
    I have a microbiology joke,
    But itís not cultured enough

    THE EARLY BIRD GETS THE WORM

    The early bird gets the worm
    Isnít that the correct term?
    Well I have some advice to give
    The late worm gets to live

    I REMEMBER MY WISH WAS TO CHANGE

    I remember my wish was to change
    The World when I was a young man
    Now that Iím old my wish has changed
    And I want to change the young if I can

    I HEARD ABOUT A YOUNG ACTOR

    I heard about a young actor
    Who was playing the part of a Page
    Fell through the floorboards
    But he was just going through a stage

    I SUFFER FROM KLEPTOMANIA

    I suffer from kleptomania
    I have to admit
    But when it gets bad,
    I take something for it

    A FRISBEE

    I was wondering,
    Why does a Frisbee
    Appeared larger and larger
    Then it hit me

    HE SURVIVED MUSTARD GAS IN BATTLE

    He survived mustard gas in battle,
    He was pepper sprayed by a policeman
    And the result of those traumatic events
    He was rendered a seasoned veteran

    SWITZERLAND

    Iím not sure what the best thing is
    About Switzerland, and Iím not fussed
    I donít know enough about the country
    I do like the flag, so thatís a big plus

    CHEETAH AND LION

    I saw a cheetah being
    Chatted up by a Lion
    I thought, ďHeís trying
    To pull a fast one"

    IN THE EIGHTIES I USED TO SUPPLY

    In the eighties I used to supply
    Filofaxes to the mafia at the time
    I suppose you could say I was
    Involved in very organised crime

    A CEMENT MIXER COLLIDED WITH A PRISON VAN

    A cement mixer collided with a prison van
    And the incident was critical
    Motorists are asked to be on the lookout
    For sixteen hardened criminals

    MY GRANDFATHER INVENTED

    My grandfather invented,
    And you might well scoff,
    The cold air balloon, well
    It never really took off

    MY UNCLE TRAINS ANIMALS

    My Uncle trains animals
    To be honest heís a bit of a bore
    He has one dog that does magic tricks
    Itís a labracadabrador

    A MAN SPILT ALL HIS SCRABBLE TILES

    A man spilt all his Scrabble tiles
    It happened in a heartbeat
    Leaving letters all over the road,
    "Well that's the word on the street?"

    I BOUGHT THE WORLD'S WORST THESAURUS

    I bought the world's worst thesaurus
    And itís irredeemable
    But it really is the worst
    But not only is it terrible, it's terrible

    MY DOG ATE ALL THE SCRABBLE TILES

    My dog ate all the Scrabble tiles
    When they were spilt on the mat
    And for days he kept leaving
    Little messages around the flat

    I GOGGLED MY SYMPTOMS

    I Goggled my symptoms
    As I had an irritated eye
    And found Conjunctivitis.com
    Thatís a site for sore eyes

    THE HEART OF A LION

    My granddad has
    The heart of a Lion
    And a lifetime ban
    From Woburn

    WHY DID THE CHICKEN GO TO THE S…ANCE?

    Why did the chicken go to the sťance?
    Rather than stay where he resides
    The reason he went to the sťance
    Was so he could reach the other side

    HUMEROUS HAIKU # 8

    Rudyard Kipling once
    Said, never look backwards, you
    Will fall down the stair

  2. #2
    Registered User tailor STATELY's Avatar
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    lol... had to google "Woburn": a safari park

    also RK's quote Bridge Builders: "Never look backwards or you will fall down the stairs":

    Bridge Builders (1893) by the British writer Rudyard Kipling is an Indian story about the building of the “Kashi Bridge.” The story mainly displays Kipling’s mastery of the technical details and knowledge related to bridge building. His biographers agree that the author acquired this knowledge through interacting with British civil engineers who were assigned by the Crown to build numerous bridges in India as part of the industrial movement in British India. The building of the “Kashi” is under the supervision of Engineer Findlayson. At a certain moment, Findlayson is lured into opium consumption and apparently starts to hallucinate. He dreams that the bridge is threatened to be destroyed by Indian gods who consider such a project as a desecration of the natural world. They decide to flood the city and the question that keeps on haunting Findlayson’s mind is whether his bridge would survive the natural catastrophe or not. Fortunately for him, the bridge eventually resists the flood. Behind its simple plot, Kipling’s story inspires serious philosophical and existential questions related to the duality between science and the spiritual. Symbolically speaking, Findlayson’s project stands for an atheist man’s belief in materialistic reality and scientific progress in the face of a traditional and spiritual India that resists all acts of desecration. Findlayson himself is aware that his triumph over Indian gods is only temporary as the bridge will one day or another disappear and all men will be ultimately vanquished by death without solving the question of eternity. https://www.amazon.de/-/en/Rudyard-K.../dp/B00FZVQD3W
    Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
    tailor
    tailor

    who am I but a stitch in time
    what if I were to bare my soul
    would you see me origami

    7-8-2015

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