Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 306

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Woking, United Kingdom
    Posts
    2,279
    Blog Entries
    109

    A Little Bit Of Humour # 306

    I’M SOMETHING OF A JOKER # 8

    I’m something of a joker
    In fact I’m really comical
    I have an experimental joke
    But laughs aren’t reproducible

    MY FAVOURITE COMEDIAN IS A DUCK

    My favourite comedian is a duck
    I like to see him do stand up
    Though he’s not to everyone’s taste
    The guy really quacks me up

    THE ORANGE STOPPED AT THE TOP OF THE HILL

    The Orange stopped at the top of the hill
    Along with the Tangerine and a Honeydew
    And the reason for that was crystal clear
    Because each one had run out of juice

    HUMEROUS HAIKU # 9

    My next-door neighbour,
    The catholic converter,
    Worships exhaust pipes

    IN A SHELL SUIT

    What do you call a chicken?
    The question begs
    If it wears a shell suit?
    It’s obviously an Egg

    THE LAST THING THAT KING HAROLD SAID

    The last thing that King Harold said
    On the day that he died
    During the Battle of Hastings?
    Was "I spy with my little eye"

    CAR FOOTBALL IS A THING

    Car Football is actually a thing
    If not to everyone’s desire
    Nonetheless the car was in
    The dressing room, changing attire

    IF YOU REALLY WANT TO TERRIFY

    If you really want to terrify
    A confirmed batchelor?
    Fill his pockets with confetti
    While he’s passed out on the floor

    THERE IS ONLY ONE THING THAT FLIES FASTER

    There is only one thing that flies faster
    Than stock off the shelves on Black Friday
    And that is the endless flash of white
    Of till receipt as the customers pay

    HE WAS A PESSIMIST AND NO MISTAKE

    He was a pessimist and no mistake
    But he wasn’t a cup half empty kind of guy
    He was very much worse than that
    He didn’t even have a cup, that’s why

    IN THE BBC NEWSROOM

    In the BBC Newsroom
    Just ahead of the action
    The producer announces
    “Lights Camera Fiction”

    A NUMBER OF CHEMISTS WERE TAKEN ILL

    A number of Chemists were taken ill
    And try as we might we couldn’t Helium
    And because we were unable to Curium
    The only thing we could do was Barium

    WHATEVER THE OUTCOME OF WAR

    Whatever the outcome of war
    It leaves many people bereft
    And doesn’t prove who is right,
    But it certainly proves who is left

    WHEN I FIRST GOT INTO ATHLETICS

    When I first got into athletics
    A hurdle scared me a bit
    But with dogged perseverance
    I managed to get over it

    WRITING JOKES FOR COMICS

    I sit alone in a room
    Writing jokes for comics
    To earn my money
    But on my own I wonder
    If I’m the only person on the planet
    Who thinks it's funny
    So riddled with self-doubt
    I’m terrified of finding out

    THERE IS AN ABBA TRIBUTE BAND

    There is an ABBA tribute band
    Only three members but well above par
    They work in a French slaughterhouse
    And call themselves, Abba trois

    TWO CLOWNS DIVORCED

    Two Clowns divorced
    And it was a very messy to do
    As they all stood and watched
    The Custardy battle ensue

    LIVE YOUR DREAMS

    Everyone tells you to “live your dreams”
    Well I’m afraid I’m not so sure
    As I don’t want to live my life naked
    In an exam that I haven't revised for

    IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT INTROSPECTION IS

    If you don't know what introspection is
    Then I’ll tell you straight
    You will definitely need to take a long,
    Hard look at yourself mate

    GIVING KIDS A BAD NAME

    Giving kids a bad name
    Is one of life’s absurdities
    But those who really give kids
    A bad name are, celebrities

  2. #2
    Registered User tailor STATELY's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Gold Country
    Posts
    18,198
    Blog Entries
    13
    lol... many noteworthy chuckles: “Lights Camera Fiction” leads my list.

    Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
    tailor
    tailor

    who am I but a stitch in time
    what if I were to bare my soul
    would you see me origami

    7-8-2015

  3. #3

  4. #4
    MANICHAEAN MANICHAEAN's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Vietnam, Singapore, Japan, The Middle East, UK, The Philippines & Papua New Guinea.
    Posts
    2,858
    Blog Entries
    1
    Keep em coming.

  5. #5

Similar Threads

  1. A Little Bit Of Humour # 156
    By Biggus in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 11-04-2015, 10:24 AM
  2. A Little Bit Of Humour # 155
    By Biggus in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 10-29-2015, 04:40 AM
  3. A Little Bit Of Humour # 154
    By Biggus in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 10-27-2015, 04:38 AM
  4. A Little Bit Of Humour # 153
    By Biggus in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 10-26-2015, 05:02 AM
  5. A Little Bit Of Humour # 141
    By Biggus in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 04-07-2015, 03:54 AM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •