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Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 306

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    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    A Little Bit Of Humour # 306

    IíM SOMETHING OF A JOKER # 8

    Iím something of a joker
    In fact Iím really comical
    I have an experimental joke
    But laughs arenít reproducible

    MY FAVOURITE COMEDIAN IS A DUCK

    My favourite comedian is a duck
    I like to see him do stand up
    Though heís not to everyoneís taste
    The guy really quacks me up

    THE ORANGE STOPPED AT THE TOP OF THE HILL

    The Orange stopped at the top of the hill
    Along with the Tangerine and a Honeydew
    And the reason for that was crystal clear
    Because each one had run out of juice

    HUMEROUS HAIKU # 9

    My next-door neighbour,
    The catholic converter,
    Worships exhaust pipes

    IN A SHELL SUIT

    What do you call a chicken?
    The question begs
    If it wears a shell suit?
    Itís obviously an Egg

    THE LAST THING THAT KING HAROLD SAID

    The last thing that King Harold said
    On the day that he died
    During the Battle of Hastings?
    Was "I spy with my little eye"

    CAR FOOTBALL IS A THING

    Car Football is actually a thing
    If not to everyoneís desire
    Nonetheless the car was in
    The dressing room, changing attire

    IF YOU REALLY WANT TO TERRIFY

    If you really want to terrify
    A confirmed batchelor?
    Fill his pockets with confetti
    While heís passed out on the floor

    THERE IS ONLY ONE THING THAT FLIES FASTER

    There is only one thing that flies faster
    Than stock off the shelves on Black Friday
    And that is the endless flash of white
    Of till receipt as the customers pay

    HE WAS A PESSIMIST AND NO MISTAKE

    He was a pessimist and no mistake
    But he wasnít a cup half empty kind of guy
    He was very much worse than that
    He didnít even have a cup, thatís why

    IN THE BBC NEWSROOM

    In the BBC Newsroom
    Just ahead of the action
    The producer announces
    ďLights Camera FictionĒ

    A NUMBER OF CHEMISTS WERE TAKEN ILL

    A number of Chemists were taken ill
    And try as we might we couldnít Helium
    And because we were unable to Curium
    The only thing we could do was Barium

    WHATEVER THE OUTCOME OF WAR

    Whatever the outcome of war
    It leaves many people bereft
    And doesnít prove who is right,
    But it certainly proves who is left

    WHEN I FIRST GOT INTO ATHLETICS

    When I first got into athletics
    A hurdle scared me a bit
    But with dogged perseverance
    I managed to get over it

    WRITING JOKES FOR COMICS

    I sit alone in a room
    Writing jokes for comics
    To earn my money
    But on my own I wonder
    If Iím the only person on the planet
    Who thinks it's funny
    So riddled with self-doubt
    Iím terrified of finding out

    THERE IS AN ABBA TRIBUTE BAND

    There is an ABBA tribute band
    Only three members but well above par
    They work in a French slaughterhouse
    And call themselves, Abba trois

    TWO CLOWNS DIVORCED

    Two Clowns divorced
    And it was a very messy to do
    As they all stood and watched
    The Custardy battle ensue

    LIVE YOUR DREAMS

    Everyone tells you to ďlive your dreamsĒ
    Well Iím afraid Iím not so sure
    As I donít want to live my life naked
    In an exam that I haven't revised for

    IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT INTROSPECTION IS

    If you don't know what introspection is
    Then Iíll tell you straight
    You will definitely need to take a long,
    Hard look at yourself mate

    GIVING KIDS A BAD NAME

    Giving kids a bad name
    Is one of lifeís absurdities
    But those who really give kids
    A bad name are, celebrities

  2. #2
    Registered User tailor STATELY's Avatar
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    lol... many noteworthy chuckles: “Lights Camera Fiction” leads my list.

    Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
    tailor
    tailor

    who am I but a stitch in time
    what if I were to bare my soul
    would you see me origami

    7-8-2015

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    MANICHAEAN MANICHAEAN's Avatar
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    Keep em coming.

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