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Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 303

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    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    A Little Bit Of Humour # 303

    IíM SOMETHING OF A JOKER # 5

    Iím something of a joker
    People think Iím a funny man
    Iíve a Palaeoanthropology joke
    But to be fare itís an Oldowan

    PUT THE CAT OUT

    ďCan you put the cat out?Ē
    I heard my angry wife shout
    ďNo, it can use the cat flapĒ
    I immediately shouted back
    She then screamed ďPut it out!Ē
    And again ďput the cat out!Ē
    And each scream got higher
    ďBecause the cat is on fire!Ē

    HUMEROUS HAIKU # 12

    Snoop Dogg carries an
    Umbrella, for a simple
    Reason: Fo' drizzle!

    21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 440

    Hickory Dickory Dock
    Four mice ran up the clock
    When the clock struck one
    The other three were in shock
    But otherwise were unharmed

    SEX AT SIXTY IS ALL VERY WELL

    Sex at sixty is all very well
    But itís a bit do or die
    Slowing down is better
    And pulling into a lay-by

    WHAT DOES THE EASTER BUNNY

    What does the Easter Bunny
    Get for himself
    For making a basket?
    Two points, like anyone else.

    THE EASTER BUNNYíS STORY

    The Easter Bunnyís Story
    Is a classic Easter Tale
    But given his characteristics
    It might be a Cotton Tale

    MY NIECE LOVES THE EASTER BUNNY

    My niece loves the Easter Bunny
    But she wonít say Happy Easter
    When she wears her Bunny Ears
    She likes to say Hoppy Easter

    I LOVE PENGUINS AND ALWAYS HAVE

    I love Penguins and always have
    But have you ever wondered which side
    Of a Penguin has the most feathers?
    Itís ok itís a trick question as its the outside

    INSIDE EVERY OLDER PERSON

    Inside every older person
    There is a younger person
    Wondering and saddened
    About what had happened

    I CAN STILL ENJOY SEX

    I can still enjoy sex
    At Seventy four,
    I live at seventy six
    So itís only next door

    SO MANY OF MY FRIENDS SAID

    So many of my friends said
    They were looking forward
    To attending the sarcasm club
    No one turned up, awkward

    I TOOK MY WIFE TO AN APPLE ORCHARD

    I took my wife to an Apple Orchard
    And the fruit hung ripe to adore
    But she didnít like it, as it was not
    The Apple Watch she was hoping for

    THE SENIOR CITIZENS GROUP

    The Senior Citizens group
    Were one of the very top
    Break dancing troupes
    And they were called Hip Op

    FISHING PHILOSOPHY

    Give a man a fish
    And heíll eat for a day
    Teach him to fish
    And he might go away

    WAS JESUS MARRIED # 2

    Was Jesus married?
    Was a she behind his success?
    That might well explain
    Faking his own death

    WE WANTED TO SPICE UP THE SEX

    We wanted to spice up the sex,
    Which, is more exciting than it sounds
    As my girlfriend scratches during sex
    Last night she won ten pounds

    TODAY I CAUGHT MY GIRLFRIEND

    Today I caught my Girlfriend
    Having a solo liaison
    Using a vibrator, in absolute silence
    I thought ďthatís not onĒ

    THERE IS A PREMIER SAUSAGE COMPETITION

    There is a premier sausage competition
    And much interest in who would come first
    There were very many different categories
    The Best German sausage was the Wurst

    I SPOKE TO DIANA ROSS

    I spoke to Diana Ross
    Several times on the mobile
    But I didnít want her
    Dyno-Rod was what I dialled

  2. #2
    MANICHAEAN MANICHAEAN's Avatar
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    Always raises a chuckle!!!

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    Registered User tailor STATELY's Avatar
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    lol

    Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
    tailor
    tailor

    who am I but a stitch in time
    what if I were to bare my soul
    would you see me origami

    7-8-2015

  5. #5
    MANICHAEAN MANICHAEAN's Avatar
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    Keep them coming.

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