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Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 302

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    A Little Bit Of Humour # 302

    IíM SOMETHING OF A JOKER # 4

    Iím something of a joker
    I wouldnít stop at any price
    I even have a Geology joke
    But to be fare itís not gneiss

    BLACK AND WHITE STRIPED STOCKINGS

    Black and white striped stockings
    Was all that the witch was wearing
    Apart from the tradition headwear
    And ankle boots, so it was very daring
    And when the witch asked ďTrick or TreatĒ
    She clearly wasnít there for the scaring

    HUMEROUS HAIKU # 16

    How do you get two
    Whales in a car? just Start in
    England and drive west.

    IF YOUR DOG IS STRUCK WITH A FEVER

    If your Dog is struck with a fever
    Consult you medical catalogue
    And youíll find mustard is the cure
    As itís the best thing for a hot dog

    FOGHORNíS MILD MANNERED COUSIN

    Foghornís mild mannered cousin
    Is a newspaper correspondent
    For the Chicken House Gazzette
    And his cousinsí name is Kluck Kent

    I WENT TO BUYA NEW TIME PIECE

    I went to a posh jeweler to buy a new time piece,
    And I told the geezer I wanted it really top notch
    In response the man in the shop said ďAnalogue?Ē
    And I replied ďNo, I just want to buy a watch"

    KFC HAVE CROSSBRED

    KFC have crossbred
    A centipede with a chicken
    So for the first time ever
    Thereíll be a leg for everyone

    DODO

    The difference between a Dodo
    And a field of Cos and Lollo Roso
    Is that one is a funny beast
    And the other is a bunny feast

    TWO SMITTEN YOUNG SPIDERS

    Two smitten young spiders,
    Called Ryan and Debs
    Eloped to Gretna Green
    And came home as newly-webs

    MR AND MRS COTTON-MOUTH

    Mr and Mrs Cotton-Mouth
    Were the snake undertakers
    And when they got married
    Gifts were Hiss and Hearse

    THE FLEA CIRCUS WAS IN TOWN

    The Flea Circus was in town
    And a Dog was keen to go
    So he bought himself a ticket
    As a result, he stole the show

    I SPOTTED A CHEMISTRY STUDENT

    I spotted a chemistry student
    Entering the toilets the other day
    He washed his hands on the way in
    Which is always a dead giveaway

    DID YOU HEAR OXYGEN

    Did you hear oxygen
    Is going out with magnesium
    The first atom asked
    OMg said the second atom

    MY TEACHER IS EXTREMELY ANCIENT

    My teacher is extremely ancient
    But I donít want to be thought a fool
    But it is the truth as he told us
    He taught Shakespeare at his old school

    A MAN IN LOVE IS INCOMPLETE

    A man in love is incomplete
    Until he is married
    According Zsa Zsa Gabor
    And then heís finished

    THE TRAFFIC COP STOPPED A TRUCK

    The traffic cop stopped a truck
    And told the driver that his wife
    Had fallen out of the back, and
    As a result the woman lost her life
    The driver though was not bereft
    But relieved he hadnít gone deaf

    IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

    In the English language,
    In my view
    The longest sentence
    Is clearly, I do

    THE ABSENT GIFT

    The man explained why he hadnít
    Got his wife a gift for her birthday
    The previous year he bought her
    The nice plot in the cemetery
    That she had requested, and she
    Hadnít used it, and he was unhappy

    AFTER GETTING HOME LATE ONE NIGHT

    After getting home late one night, very drunk,
    He sees something that will forever scar his brain
    And the consequence of seeing two of his wife
    He quit drinking so he wouldnít see that again

    SHE PUT THE ASHES IN AN EGG TIMER

    She put the ashes in an egg timer
    After her husbandís final breath
    So he would at least be useful
    Around the house after his death

  2. #2
    A User, but Registered! tonywalt's Avatar
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    Ha, good one.

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    MANICHAEAN MANICHAEAN's Avatar
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    Enjoyed. Just what we need in these difficult times.

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