Results 1 to 3 of 3

Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 297

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Woking, United Kingdom
    Posts
    2,279
    Blog Entries
    109

    A Little Bit Of Humour # 297

    21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 439

    Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
    How does your garden grow?
    With silver bells, and cockle shells
    And other tacky blingy show

    GRANDPA ALWAYS SAID THAT HE WANTED

    Grandpa always said that he wanted,
    And he had the plans formalised,
    That he would be laid to rest with Nan
    So on his death we had her euthanized

    HAN SOLO AND CHEWBACCA

    Han Solo and Chewbacca
    Were not paid for a delivery
    So, Han got straight to the point
    ďYou owe me one KenobiĒ

    HAMILTON THE MUSICAL

    I went to see Hamilton the musical, but
    I didnít like it when all said and done
    It was definitely musical without a doubt
    But not one mention of Formula One

    IíM A BIT OF A CANNIBAL

    Iím a bit of a Cannibal
    But Iím going to stop
    As you canít buy a cadaver
    Not even at Body Shop

    SHEíS BEEN SLEEPING UNDER THE STARS

    When she returned home, she said
    She had been sleeping under the stars
    Which meant, sheíd been having sex
    With celebrities that she met in bars

    HOW IRONIC WOULD IT BE

    How ironic would it be if
    When learning survival skills
    On a survival weekend
    You had to eat Bear Grills

    BUSH CRAFT

    I took an evening class in Bush Craft
    But they used some peculiar things
    For example a sharp blade, a mirror
    Some wax and assorted sequins

    THE BOYS WERE CATCHING CRABS

    Down on the beach, the boys
    Were Catching Crabs
    In other words they were shagging
    Bimbette and Babs

    DEFINITION OF GOOSE BUMPS

    Definition of Goose bumps
    Is not just a reflex action
    Itís what you give a goose
    On his birthday celebration

    THE YOUNG MEN CALLED HER JIGSAW

    The young men called her jigsaw
    For she was not universally adored
    And the boys would only do her
    When they were really bored

    THE WOKING STAR STRIKER

    The Woking star Striker
    Went down in the box
    It was his wifeís birthday
    So it was not unorthodox

    ADMIRED ATHLETES

    I have great admiration
    For athletic competitors
    But youíve got to hand it
    To those relay runners

    FRENCH COMEDY REALLY DOES EXIST

    French comedy really does exist
    But it must come, prerequisite,
    From the joke producing region
    Otherwise itís just Sparkling wit

    CHRISTOPHER ROBIN

    Christopher Robin
    Was in hundred acre wood
    And by Poohsticks Bridge
    All his friends were stood
    Lottie, Owl, and Piglet
    Eeyore, Kanga and Roo
    Rabbit and bouncy Tigger
    And Winnie-the-Pooh
    Poohsticks, poohsticks
    Shouted Tigger and piglet
    Poohsticks, poohsticks
    Yes it really does said Rabbit

    EVERY MINUTE SHE BURNED FOR HIM

    Every minute she burned for him
    Ever since their night of passion
    Though it was not out of desire
    Cystitis, that was her affliction

    SHE WANTED HIM TO TURN THE LIGHT OUT

    She wanted him to turn the light out
    While he made love to her
    But he refused to do it because
    He was the lighthouse keeper

    HE WAS ONLY THE LIGHTHOUSE KEEPER

    He was only the lighthouse keeper
    And she was a girl from the docks
    When the light went out on their love
    Their relationship was on the rocks

    THERE IS A GREAT STAR WARS SPECIAL

    There is a great Star Wars Special
    At the salon, amid the lotions and lacquer
    Where they are doing a wax treatment
    Called the Chewbacca sacca and cracca

    GETTING ON # 12

    Iím officially old, as I donít need
    To become a narcotics enthusiast
    Because I can get the same effect
    Simply by standing up too fast

  2. #2
    A User, but Registered! tonywalt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Cayman Palms, Cayman Islands, Cayman Islands
    Posts
    6,298
    Blog Entries
    4
    ha ha. love the first one!

  3. #3

Similar Threads

  1. A Little Bit Of Humour # 150
    By Biggus in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 10-23-2015, 03:44 AM
  2. A Little Bit Of Humour # 151
    By Biggus in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 10-23-2015, 03:43 AM
  3. A Little Bit Of Humour # 149
    By Biggus in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 10-17-2015, 04:48 AM
  4. A Little Bit Of Humour # 148
    By Biggus in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 10-13-2015, 03:40 AM
  5. A Little Bit Of Humour # 135
    By Biggus in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 03-27-2015, 04:53 AM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •