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Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 296

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    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    A Little Bit Of Humour # 296

    GETTING ON # 11

    You know youíre getting old
    When youíve been on hold
    For so long to a utility supplier
    That you forgot what you called for

    I THINK ITíS MISOGYNISTIC

    I think itís misogynistic
    To use the word misogyny
    Iím not being pedantic but
    It should be ms-ogyny

    I SAW A MARMITE TRUCK THE OTHER DAY

    I saw a Marmite truck the other day
    Driving down the motorway
    And I bet my mate ten pound
    That it was heading yeast bound

    AT MY ADVANCED AGE # 2

    At my advanced age I find
    I am surprised by something
    The presence of public toilets
    Are worryingly comforting

    LONG AFTER NEEDING BIFOCALS AND HEARING AIDS

    Long after needing bifocals and hearing aids
    We still make love in the silent gloom
    The only difference being that during the act
    It would be difficult to tell with whom

    EARLY TO BED, EARLY TO RISE

    Early to bed, early to rise
    Makes a man healthy wealthy and wise
    Early to rise, late to bed
    Makes a man haggard fatigued and dead

    ONE FOOT OF SNOW FELL

    One foot of snow fell
    In the town of Lexington
    So, when he went outside
    He only wore one Wellington

    5G

    There are no limits to technology
    And advances are anticipated with 5G
    Enhancing forms of communication
    Imparting important information
    Using varied multimedia interfacing
    Video clips and picture messaging
    But there is a downside or failure
    Primarily photos of userís genitalia

    DONíT FOLLOW THE HERD

    Donít follow the herd,
    Just think for yourself
    Try to remain independent
    And be very careful
    When following the masses
    As sometimes the M is silent

    SPORTING COURAGE

    Iím a very courageous
    Sportsman, basically
    As it takes a lot of balls
    To play Golf like me

    WE MAKE A VERY VARIED RANGE

    We make a very varied range
    Of average items in our factory
    But because they are average
    Itís more like the satisfactory

    THERE IS TO BE A REVOLUTION

    There is to be a revolution
    In signage, so look out
    Take Exit signs for example
    They are on the way out

    I WAS TRYING TO EXPLAIN PUNS

    I was trying to explain puns
    With a great degree of difficulty
    To a group of kleptomaniacs
    But they just take things literally

    FOR MY JOB I DO SHIFT WORK

    For my job I do shift work
    At a publishing place
    I have to help a one armed
    Typist do upper case

    21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 438

    Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
    How does your garden grow?
    Well if you donít plant seed
    You canít reap what you sow

    THEY ARE HAVING TO REMAKE

    They are having to remake
    The Ewok movie
    As they now identify
    As Shewoks apparently

    WHEN YOU SEARCH HIGH AND LOW

    When you search high and low
    On every shelf and every floor
    For your car keys on a bunch
    Only to find them in the front door

    IF YOU GO TO A MUSLIM WEDDING

    If you go to a Muslim Wedding
    But you canít afford the attire
    Then there is a an easy solution
    Go to Mosque Bros and hire

    IT WAS A GLORIOUS WEEK IN JUNE

    It was a glorious week in June
    And I wore my best ensemble
    But after Day three at Wimbledon
    I hadnít seen a single Womble

    HAVE A NICE DAY

    ďHave a nice dayĒ he said
    And I smiled at him
    But I had a dreadful day
    So natural I sued him

  2. #2
    Registered User tailor STATELY's Avatar
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    Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
    tailor
    tailor

    who am I but a stitch in time
    what if I were to bare my soul
    would you see me origami

    7-8-2015

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