Results 1 to 3 of 3

Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 288

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Woking, United Kingdom
    Posts
    2,236
    Blog Entries
    109

    A Little Bit Of Humour # 288

    WHAT'S E.T. SHORT FOR

    Somebody once said to me
    “What's E.T. short for?”
    I said I really didn’t know,
    Which was what he was hoping for,
    “He's only got little legs” he said
    Which I hadn’t thought of before

    TWITTER ADDICTION

    “Please help me,
    I’m addicted to Twitter!”
    A man tells his doctor,
    “What should I do?”
    The doctor thought
    About it for a moment
    Before he replied,
    “Sorry, I'm not following you”

    LARCENY STREET

    I didn't know that my dad
    Was a street furniture larcenist
    But at my dad’s home, were
    All the signs that I’d missed

    TO PARAPHRASE THE GREAT FRANK CAPRA

    To paraphrase the great Frank Capra
    “I thought drama was when actors cried
    But I was clearly mistaken in that belief
    As drama is when the audience cries”

    ALPHABETICAL FRIENDS

    I want to be friends with all
    Of the alphabet and I really try
    But I have only managed
    Twenty-five, I don’t know Y

    I GOT A BIRTHDAY CARD TODAY

    I got a Birthday card today
    And it was full of rice again
    I knew instantly why, because
    It was from my Uncle Ben

    THE MSM GETS ME DOWN

    The MSM gets me down
    With their depressing lament
    So, I am avoiding the news
    Like the plague at the moment

    IF YOU ARE STRUGGLING TO BUY TOILET ROLL

    If you are struggling to buy toilet roll
    Find a suitable alternative if you can
    And one appropriate solution would be
    To wipe your arse with the Guardian

    STAR WARS CHEESE

    What cheese do they serve
    In the Star Wars cafeteria
    Or in a galaxy far far away?
    The answer is Boba Feta

    GOLD SILVER OR BRONZE

    Gold, Silver or Bronze
    That is the obvious question
    What hue will his urine be
    When they test the Russian

    EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON # 2

    “Everything happens for a reason”
    Not a very appropriate old refrain
    When you think you’re going to fart
    And you follow through on the train

    THE MEAT MARKETS ARE BUSY # 1

    The meat markets are busy
    Take a look for the proof
    Horse meat prices are down
    In fact they’re through the hoof

    BEST BEFORE 1980 # 1

    I have a Universal Remote control
    Which I have had for quite a while
    But I tried for ages to turn on the Radio
    It turned out I was using my mobile

    I KNOW I’M GETTING OLD # 2

    You know you’re getting old
    When you start to curse and mutter
    After realising you spread face cream
    On your bread instead of butter

    SHE HAD BUTTERFLIES IN HER STOMACH

    She had butterflies in her stomach
    When she walked round the Zoo
    Which is why she was later banned
    From the Butterfly House and the Zoo

    GETTING ON # 3

    I may be getting on in years
    But it’s not all doom and gloom
    I have the body of an 18-year-old,
    Which I keep in the spare room

    IT WAS PITIFUL TO SEE # 1

    It was pitiful to see, He was totally inept
    Basic problems he was struggling to deal
    He’d struggle to pour water from a boot
    With the instructions printed on the heel

    I REMEMBER THE TIME IN MY YOUTH

    I remember the time in my youth
    When I was allowed to stay up late
    On New Year’s Eve and I was thrilled
    But now on that ominous date
    As I have reached middle age
    Being forced to participate is my fate

    OLD AGE HAS DEFINITELY ARRIVED

    Old age has definitely
    Arrived in your life when,
    Your enthusiastic efforts
    To catch the attention
    Of a friend in the street,
    Are met with looks of
    Increasing terror, as you
    Draw nearer and embrace
    A complete stranger

    JOHN MCENROE ONCE SAID

    John McEnroe once said,
    And I completely agree,
    That “The older we get
    The better we used to be”

  2. #2
    Registered User tailor STATELY's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Gold Country
    Posts
    12,994
    Blog Entries
    3
    Oh, my... too hilarious ! I'm saving EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON # 2 for a friend I part-time home-care/(minister to) who suffers from this malady all to often.

    Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
    tailor
    tailor

    who am I but a stitch in time
    what if I were to bare my soul
    would you see me origami

    7-8-2015

  3. #3

Similar Threads

  1. A Little Bit Of Humour # 143
    By Biggus in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 06-29-2015, 08:25 AM
  2. A Little Bit Of Humour # 142
    By Biggus in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 06-26-2015, 03:53 AM
  3. A Little Bit Of Humour # 141
    By Biggus in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 04-07-2015, 03:54 AM
  4. A Little Bit Of Humour # 140
    By Biggus in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 04-04-2015, 04:03 AM
  5. A Little Bit Of Humour # 128
    By Biggus in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 03-01-2015, 07:23 AM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •