SOCIAL DISTANCING AND SELF ISOLATION
Social distancing and self-isolation
Is not a difficult thing to implement
When you’re in Wormwood Scrubs
And placed in solitary confinement
WE HAVE FOUND A GREEN SOLUTION
Since the panic buying caper
We have started using
Plant leaves as toilet paper
They're not our plants,
But they are very useful
And we returned the pots
I must say that to be truthful
To the neighbour's patio
Once the pots were full
A MESSAGE TO SNOWFLAKES
Your grandparents
And great grandparents
Were asked to go to war
You are being asked
To sit on your sofas
So not exactly a chore
BEING IN ISOLATION WITH MY WIFE
Sadly, being in isolation with my wife
Has been to our relationships detriment
And I fear that it will either end
In divorce or more likely life imprisonment
IF YOU RECEIVE AN EMAIL ABOUT CORONA VIRUS
If you receive an email about Corona Virus
Claiming that it’s spread by Tinned Ham
The government have stated categorically
You should ignore it because it’s just Spam