Results 1 to 3 of 3

Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 287

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Woking, United Kingdom
    Posts
    2,279
    Blog Entries
    109

    A Little Bit Of Humour # 287

    SAD CHEESE

    Even dairy comestibles
    Are sometimes lacking glee
    And when at their lowest
    They are a very Blue cheese

    COMMENTATING ON EQUESTRIAN # 2

    At his first equestrian event
    And he thought he was seeing a mirage
    All the horses looked effeminate
    But it turned out to be the dressage

    TESTING SEX

    At the end of the day
    The teacher announces
    “There is a test tomorrow
    I will accept few excuses”
    “Only a nuclear war,
    Death or a serious injury
    To yourself or one of
    Your immediate family”
    One smart *** inquired
    By way of an interruption
    “What if I’m suffering?
    From total sexual exhaustion”
    There was a lot of laughter
    The teacher just smiled
    Then she said to the student
    “Write with your other hand”

    GETTING ON # 2

    You are getting old when
    Financial crises don’t drive you to tears
    For the simple reason your hairline
    Has been in recession for years

    ANYTHING BY GEORGE

    George arrived home from work one night
    To find the house bathed in candlelight
    His wife Julie Draped on the sofa sexily
    Wearing very little and smiling seductively
    She swung her long stockined legs to the floor
    And walked slowly to George by the door
    In her silk camisole she looked very sexy
    Her dark nipples were aroused, he could see
    "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything."
    So George tied her up and then he went bowling

    ONCE IN SOUTH-WESTERN GERMANY

    Once in South-western Germany
    In a time now only a tropical echo
    Lived an insectivorous lizard
    Known now as a Blackforest gecko

    IF YOU MEASURED MY LIFE

    If you measured my life
    In dog years instead
    Then the inevitable truth
    Is I’m already dead

    GOURMET BEETROOT CRISPS

    Gourmet Beetroot crisps
    I found out just today
    Can easily be included
    As one of your five a day

    PICCADILLY PHILLY

    We stood on a busy London street
    One bright warm summer day
    When a girl in a skimpy top
    And very short skirt came our way

    The girl was walking towards us
    And she caused every head to turn
    Men and women, young and old
    Mens jaws dropped and women looked stern

    She was quite an attractive girl
    Not a stunner or a movie star
    But not worthy of all the attention
    She was just a little above par

    The reason soon became apparent
    As we noticed when she passed
    Her skirt hem was tucked in the waste band
    And she was completely bare arsed

    I TRIED DONATING BLOOD TODAY # 3

    I tried donating blood today
    But the problem on this visit
    Were too many stupid questions
    For example, why is it in a bucket?

    DR. NO, NO, NO

    In 2008
    The next James Bond movie theme
    Is to be performed
    By Amy Winehouse it would seem
    I heard her described
    As Shirley Bassey with tattoos
    Perhaps more accurately she’s
    A tatty Shirley Bassey in my view

    PUT DOWN # 2

    Put downs work the best
    For deflecting unwanted attention
    But try to be amusing
    As this relieves the tension
    Just say to him seductively
    With your hand upon your hip
    “Wipe your mouth honey,
    You have bull**** around your lips

    DON’T BRING LULU

    In the roaring twenties
    Lulu was a flapper
    And was often seen
    With the soave and the dapper
    Now if she lived today
    In the days of the rapper
    When those who think bling
    Is really quite the thing
    That makes them cool
    Today’s equivalent to dapper
    She would be there
    Lulu the modern flapper
    At all the in places
    But she’d be thought of as a slapper

    CHEWBACCA THE WOOKIEE

    Chewbacca the Wookiee
    Was the victim of an attack
    Someone has given him
    An all over body wax

    THE INSURANCE MAN

    The Insurance man went
    To a funeral in Glasgow
    Simply because he had
    Never seen a Scottish widow

    I JUST WALKED INTO MY BEDROOM

    I just walked into my bedroom,
    Which was littered with crap
    And tripped over a discarded bra
    I was floored by my own booby trap

    ROSES ARE RED # 1

    Roses are Red
    But slightly cliché
    So, I’ll just say
    Happy Valentine’s Day

  2. #2
    Registered User tailor STATELY's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Gold Country
    Posts
    13,542
    Blog Entries
    7


    Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
    tailor
    tailor

    who am I but a stitch in time
    what if I were to bare my soul
    would you see me origami

    7-8-2015

  3. #3

Similar Threads

  1. A Little Bit Of Humour # 143
    By Biggus in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 06-29-2015, 08:25 AM
  2. A Little Bit Of Humour # 142
    By Biggus in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 06-26-2015, 03:53 AM
  3. A Little Bit Of Humour # 141
    By Biggus in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 04-07-2015, 03:54 AM
  4. A Little Bit Of Humour # 140
    By Biggus in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 04-04-2015, 04:03 AM
  5. A Little Bit Of Humour # 128
    By Biggus in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 03-01-2015, 07:23 AM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •