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Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 286

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    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    A Little Bit Of Humour # 286

    FEMINIST CHEESE

    Feminists once burned their bras
    Which understandably caused a stir
    But today we have a feminist cheese
    And it’s been named Germaine Gruyere

    ONE OF THE FOOTBALL SPECTATORS

    One of the football spectators
    Obstructed the keepers view
    By standing between the posts
    But, then that’s Annette for you

    A HAND IN MARRIAGE

    A humble pack of playing cards
    Conceals a secret meaning
    Where the suits at least warn
    Of a chilling outcome of marrying
    First a Heart for him to love you
    Next a Diamond to marry them
    Thirdly a Club to bludgeon him
    And finally, a Spade to bury them

    I TRIED DONATING BLOOD TODAY # 2

    I tried donating blood today
    But the problem on this visit
    Were too many stupid questions
    For example, where did you get it?

    PEDANTIC WIFE

    My wife said if I don’t stop
    Being pedantic
    I’ll have less friends
    I turned to her and said
    “That’s not true,
    I will have fewer friends”

    YOU MUFFIN

    When young women
    Dress with midriff exposed
    It can look attractive
    To the suitably disposed
    But for those ampler
    Flesh spills over the top
    Of tight waist bands
    To look like muffin tops

    I KNOW I’M GETTING OLD # 1

    You know you’re getting old
    When answering your phone cheerily
    There is silence on the other end
    And you realize it was on the TV

    SEX TOY

    In this modern age
    It is certainly possible
    For you to increase
    Sexual arousal
    With the use of mechanical devices
    In particular
    They work on women
    One of these is a sports car

    I PLUGGED MY ELECTRIC BLANKET INTO THE TOASTER

    I plugged my electric blanket into the toaster
    Not deliberately, I knew that wouldn’t be right
    It really happened by mistake, but it happened
    And as a result I kept popping out of bed all night

    I DISCOVERED MY FAVOURITE DUCK WAS SICK # 4

    I discovered my favourite duck was sick
    Unfortunately, his behaviour needs to be adjusted
    All though in truth he just doesn't fit in
    The medical definition is that he’s Mallardjusted.

    REPELLING BOARDERS

    She stood at the departure gate
    Smiling and checking boarding passes
    Dealing with the happy and the mad
    The good the bad and the silly arses
    When a tottering man approached
    She extended her hand for his ticket
    When he opened up his rain coat
    And blatantly flashed her his wicket
    He smiled inanely and swayed about
    Having spent too much time in the pub
    Without batting an eyelid she said,
    "I need to see the ticket not your stub."

    AT MY ADVANCED AGE # 1

    At my advanced age I’m sometimes
    Overwhelmed by the urge to get home
    Get into my elastic waisted trousers
    And enjoy the comfort of the room

    THE LAST SUPPER

    Last night at our repast
    My wife asked me sincerely
    “Why must you eat so fast”?
    I replied “you never no really
    Which meal will be your last
    With your cooking, especially”

    THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A CRAZY BUNNY

    The difference between a crazy Bunny
    And counterfeit currency
    Is simple really, one is a mad bunny
    While the other is bad money

    THE REF BOOKED HIM

    The ref booked him for
    Taking his shirt off
    As it’s against the rules
    To take the refs shirt off

  2. #2
    MANICHAEAN MANICHAEAN's Avatar
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    Loved the one on the sex toy.

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