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Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 284

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    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    A Little Bit Of Humour # 284

    LOST WALK

    Two hydrogen atoms were walking along
    One said, 'I think I've lost an electron.'
    'Are you sure?' was the others interrogative
    The first said, 'Oh Yes, I'm positive... '

    THE BOYS

    The Police arrested two kids
    One was drinking battery acid,
    The other was eating fireworks.
    No doubt a right pair of Berks
    Now this is true though you may scoff
    They charged one and let the other one off.

    CHEESE CYCLE

    My brother is a cyclist and a cheese nut
    And he always carries some in his pannier
    But he also has very particular tastes
    So the cheese he carries with him is Paneer

    THE LORD SAID UNTO JOHN

    "Come forth and you will receive
    Eternal life" The Lord said
    But unfortunately, John came fifth
    As a result, he won a TV instead

    IT WAS UP ON ILKLEY MOOR

    It was up on Ilkley Moor
    Where I met a Yorkshire chap
    And I could see he was dyslexic
    As he was wearing a cat flap

    VLADIMIR ILYICH ULYANOV

    Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov
    Was over in London, visiting
    When Trotsky knocked the door
    And asked “Is Len in?”

    DOCTOR’S INTUITION

    The doctor said he thought
    I had curvature of the upper spine
    He wasn’t sure though
    He said it was just a hunch

    BECAUSE OF HER CONFIDENT STRIDE

    Because of her confident stride
    Everyone noticed Anne Boleyn
    And the King set his cap at her
    As her rivals would only amble in

    STAR WARS TODAY

    If the Star Wars series
    Was only just written
    Luke would be a vegan
    Flying the Millennial Falcon

    I KEEP FALLING OVER

    I keep falling over
    I don’t know what for
    I should talk to someone
    Maybe a Trip advisor

    MARRIED WEIGHT ISSUES

    When single women get home
    They see what’s in the fridge
    And then go to bed
    However married women get home
    See what’s in the bed
    And goes to the fridge instead

    YESTERDAY MY HOUSE WAS BURGLED

    Yesterday my house was burgled
    And today I feel really crappy
    They stole my anti-depressants
    Well I just hope they are happy

    POOR SAM

    Sam went to the Doctors
    With every ache and pain
    And with every sniff and sniffle
    He would go again and again
    If he had a simple heat rash
    He thought he had meningitis
    If he had a bad case of wind
    He thought he had appendicitis
    The doctor tried him on placebos
    Giving Sam pots of sugar pills
    But despite the docs best efforts
    Sam returned with non-existent ills
    The doctor tried to be patient
    But one day when Sam came back
    The doctor gave him the bad news
    “I must tell you you’re a hypochondriac”
    Sam became all hot and bothered
    And created a right old fuss
    Then when he calmed down he asked
    “What’s a hypochondriac? Is it serious?”

    LAW IS LIKE THE FAMILY BUSINESS

    Law is like the family business
    And that includes my Niece
    She is a Corrections Officer
    With the Grammar Police

    MY CHAUFFEUR IS A RUSSIAN

    My chauffeur is a Russian
    From a city called Rostov
    He’s very good at his job
    His name is Pikup Andropov

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    Registered User tailor STATELY's Avatar
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    Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
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    who am I but a stitch in time
    what if I were to bare my soul
    would you see me origami

    7-8-2015

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