The war against crime never stops in the sunshine state and here in Miami it’s a losing fight. Crime is a stain on the underwear that is the city and I am the **** cleaning wipes that’s here to fix it. My name is Rage McPain and cleaning **** is my job. I work as a detective at the Miami PD. Recently we’ve heard rumors of a new drug on the streets, something that’s pretty big in the weight lifting community called “Flex.” Only problem is there’s a 90% mortality rate with its use. Normally we’d ask the 10% who survived but they’re so happy with the results that they won’t squeal and are even pushing other people to try it. Guess crime comes in all packages but this time it’s going to be small due to steroid use.
“Did you hear me McPain?!” The captain yelled at me from across his desk. I grinned and nodded.
“No, I was too busy monologuing.”
“Dammit McPain, listen to my orders, you loose canon! Flex is becoming a huge problem and we need you to put a stop to it.”
“Way ahead of you chief, I even covered all this in my intro.”
“You’re a wildcard McPain, but I’m glad you’re in our deck.”
“Thanks boss. I’ll get started right away.” I stood to leave, putting on my leather jacket which had tons of cool patches on it. At the captain’s door was a young buck cop. Kid probably had more hair on his head than anywhere else on his body. I eyed him up and down, doing cool poses while I waited.
“You asked to see me Captain Chief Boss, Sir?” The kid croaked out.
“Yes. McPain this is your new partner, say hello to Arty Coolest.” The chief said as I continued to look at the kid.
“Chief you know I work alone!”
“I won’t be hearing it this time McPain! Take him under your wing and train him up right!”
“But in order for a bird to fly he has to have at least two wings!”
“But even a bird has to help raise new birds!” The chief bellowed. Damn he was good at metaphors. Or would that be an allusion? It doesn’t matter, I didn’t drop out of school to stand here thinking. The chief always knew what buttons to press to get me fired up.
“I guess you’re right chief, you really know what buttons to press to get me fired up.” I flipped my head violently toward my new partner who jumped back. “Looks like you’re with me kid.”
“Oh...uh nice to mee-!” I heard the kid start to say as I pushed past him. He toppled over hitting his head on one of the desks that littered the room. Some people call it an “office” but I just like to call it where...never mind.
“Just stick with me kid and you’ll know what to do. My name’s Rage.” I said holding my hand out for him to grab. I helped the kid to his feet and noticed he had one lazy eye and one bloody ear. I shook my head, how the hell did this kid ever get into the force? He staggered for a moment before he started walking toward the exit. Already wanting to go after the case? Maybe I was a bit too hard on him. I smiled to myself and slid the aviator sunglasses I keep in my coat on my rugged manly face.
Walking out the front door I saw the kid standing there waving his hand at a nearby ambulance. Damn even trying to get us a ride, he must really be serious. I approached him and slapped him on his back.
“No need, we can take my car!” I said and grinned at him. He returned what looked to be a grin...I think. I led him around the corner to where my car was parked. A beautiful red Pontiac Firebird with a picture of myself with badass eagle wings etched on the hood. My long brown hair looked so good in it, almost as good as my actual hair. Me and the kid got in the car and I took off, speeding of course. After a few minutes of driving the kid finally spoke up.
“Where are w- we going?” He asked, seeming to almost vomit from the excitement. I thought it was funny so I laughed at him. So ignorant, it makes me look even better!
“Don’t worry kid we’re going exactly where we need to go!”
“But the hos- hospital is the other w- way…”
“The hospital?! Boy the chief was right you really do need someone to show you the ropes! We’re not gonna find any leads at the hospital so we’re heading straight to the source.”
“The source?”
“That’s right! We’re going to hit the gym!” I bent over and grabbed a cassette from a box between the kid’s feet. Europe’s “The Final Countdown.” I slammed the cassette into the player and cranked the volume to 100. Get ready Flex cause this is your final countdown!

(Please let me know if this is a story I should keep writing!)