THEY HAVE PIZZA AT THE NORTH POLE
They have pizza at the North Pole
On the feast of Stephen
And they always have the same one
Deep-pan, crisp and even
THE SOUND OF CHRISTMAS
When I heard “Ho Ho” Whoosh,
I knew I’d heard the sound before
It happened when Father Christmas
Went through a revolving door
I GOT A CHRISTMAS CARD TODAY
I got a Christmas card today
And it was full of rice again
I knew instantly why, because
It was from my Uncle Ben
SANTA PUT A CLOCK IN HIS SLEIGH
Santa put a clock in his sleigh
And the Elf’s asked him why
So, he explained to them
That he like to watch time fly
SANTA GOT STUCK IN A CHIMNEY
Santa got stuck in a chimney
Last year on Christmas Eve
And ever since he’s suffered
From Claus-trophobia I believe
RESTFUL SANTA
At Christmas there is another name
You should call Santa Claus
When he rests between delivering gifts
And that’s Santa Pause
THE NORTH POLE HAS A PET # 2
The North Pole has a pet
Owned by Santa Claus
And Santa called his Cat
Predictably, Santa Claws
CHRISTMAS 2019
This year is going to be
A very special Christmas
So, I would like to wish you all
A very Happy Brexmas
WHEN CHRISTMAS DAY COMES
When Christmas Day comes
And the wrapping paper rustles
Enjoy the day like no other, as it’s
A Brexit Christmas, ie no Brussels
SANTA CLAUS IS A MAN
Santa Claus is a man, make no mistake
Because he always gets to your house late
Eats your cookie before emptying his sack
Calls you a ho before he turns his back
And then he leaves while you’re asleep
NEW YEARS RESOLUTION # 3
I was divorced from my wife
Due to my serial infidelity
And found myself in bed
With a girl called Felicity
It was on New Year’s Day
When she asked me
“Did you make a resolution?
What was it? Go on tell me”
I replied “Not to be unfaithful
Ever again to my chosen mate”
“How’s that going?” she asked
“Ask me after our second date”
TRANSYLVANIA NEW YEAR
On New Year's Eve
At the appropriate time
The vampires sing
Auld Fang Syne