THEY HAVE PIZZA AT THE NORTH POLE

They have pizza at the North Pole
On the feast of Stephen
And they always have the same one
Deep-pan, crisp and even

THE SOUND OF CHRISTMAS

When I heard “Ho Ho” Whoosh,
I knew I’d heard the sound before
It happened when Father Christmas
Went through a revolving door

I GOT A CHRISTMAS CARD TODAY

I got a Christmas card today
And it was full of rice again
I knew instantly why, because
It was from my Uncle Ben

SANTA PUT A CLOCK IN HIS SLEIGH

Santa put a clock in his sleigh
And the Elf’s asked him why
So, he explained to them
That he like to watch time fly

SANTA GOT STUCK IN A CHIMNEY

Santa got stuck in a chimney
Last year on Christmas Eve
And ever since he’s suffered
From Claus-trophobia I believe

RESTFUL SANTA

At Christmas there is another name
You should call Santa Claus
When he rests between delivering gifts
And that’s Santa Pause

THE NORTH POLE HAS A PET # 2

The North Pole has a pet
Owned by Santa Claus
And Santa called his Cat
Predictably, Santa Claws

CHRISTMAS 2019

This year is going to be
A very special Christmas
So, I would like to wish you all
A very Happy Brexmas

WHEN CHRISTMAS DAY COMES

When Christmas Day comes
And the wrapping paper rustles
Enjoy the day like no other, as it’s
A Brexit Christmas, ie no Brussels

SANTA CLAUS IS A MAN

Santa Claus is a man, make no mistake
Because he always gets to your house late
Eats your cookie before emptying his sack
Calls you a ho before he turns his back
And then he leaves while you’re asleep

NEW YEARS RESOLUTION # 3

I was divorced from my wife
Due to my serial infidelity
And found myself in bed
With a girl called Felicity
It was on New Year’s Day
When she asked me
“Did you make a resolution?
What was it? Go on tell me”
I replied “Not to be unfaithful
Ever again to my chosen mate”
“How’s that going?” she asked
“Ask me after our second date”

TRANSYLVANIA NEW YEAR

On New Year's Eve
At the appropriate time
The vampires sing
Auld Fang Syne