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Thread: Let's get Together

  1. #1
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    Let's get Together

    Today I was the girl I used to be.

    As a child I watched people at the commissary,
    just stood there staring:

    Watched loosely held hands.
    She wide-eyed gawking longingly at diamond rings behind the pure white counter,
    and him nonchalant, scraping with tooth-worn nails at chalky ketchup.

    Watched a shaking finger spell hysteria
    (I just cant take it anymore)
    at down-fixed eyes,
    a little boy counting cocoons of lint nestled in blue matted carpet,
    trying to focus on some sort of stillness.

    Watched unabashedly, mining into opalled cataracts
    vacant milky whites,
    not noticing me noticing, with clarity,
    such deep opaqueness.

    ...but when they would notice...
    when the observed would see the observer.
    Well, those moments
    were when I felt most
    the heart-panging stab,
    of having always been alone.
    but more often, I was invisible,
    I hid so easily in a crowd.

    Today, today I was the girl I used to be.

    I recognized her from across the divide of generic conversations and pleasantries
    shared among her closest.
    "Are you thirsty, would you like an apricot iced tea?"
    "Work isn't work if you love what you do"
    "Im so sorry. Try to keep an open door,
    one day she'll come back into loving arms and that will be all that mattered"


    She hoisted relationships as if they were feathers.
    Spoke just what they needed to hear.
    Coaxed each one into her trust.
    There never was a person she could call a stranger.
    To this day, she always hid so well in crowds.
    Last edited by Shadowlight; 12-13-2019 at 03:21 AM.

  2. #2
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    Hi Shadowlight. I can't quite grasp the meaning inside of this. I wouldn't worry though as I don't exactly excel in deciphering poems 😊. I do really appreciate the phrasing and story telling though and once again you have produced a piece of writing that I thoroughly enjoyed and have returned to several times. I often view without logging in but logged in to add this as I think you are a great writer.

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

  3. #3
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    Thanks for the insight Jerry.

    It is pretty tough. This was a personal blip in time for me and I realize they can be hard for others to relate too. I might try to clear it up with editing at some point. I see much of my poetry as a log of my struggles and emotions at various times in my life.

    This one is about me as a kid at a military base commissary where I used to watch people. I would see all this seeming discrepancies between people's actions and what was going on inside them. Such as the woman who is intent on a ring instead of her fiance and him being nonchalance to it all, the woman berating the child when she is actually the one acting hysterical, and the elder who is unable to see from cataracts but sees clear with wisdom. And then me who wants to see people for who they are but never wants to be seen. Ive always been that way, potentially from shyness, but more likely from neglect.

    Then the story flips to real time where Im the hypocrite. Im as congenial as ever and surrounded by my closest group of friends, focusing on everyone else around me. taking care of them, I still feel like Im not really being seen or really wanting to either. Im always hiding.

    Any suggestions on how to make this come across more clear I would be soooooo appreciative. It could be a collaboration- Shadowlight and JerryBaldy!

  4. #4
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    In my first suggestion of our collaboration I would suggest that you don't change a thing ��. But thanks for taking the time to explain the story behind the poem. Sometimes people say never explain. I don't always go with that. Your explanation added to the piece. All the best to you.

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

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