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thanks everyone for the compliments and criticisms. i know it is one of my weaker poems, but it carries potential to be a strong one. perhaps a revision will be posted in the future...

if I could commit myself to pages
my persona to story
myself to binding within a book
would you read it?
would you even crack the cover?

if I could paint my mind
on so many empty canvasses...

thanks blaze, you sure know how to compliment a girl!
:blush:

glad you liked it guys!

sorry, haven't been around for a while...


You from Me

separation
separate
two beings that used to be one
alone
even in your embrace

breathtest, I really like this! Sorry if it is old, I haven't been on in a while... I think it is really worded well and is an excellent Nietzsche poem...

This is really beautiful... I like the allusions to marriage, especially the uncertainty of it lasting... I liked it very much.

Thank you everyone!

Silas, I think you're right about those lines, gotta make some changes...

Lokasenna, you never seem to have anything bad to say about anyone's poems. You have a kind...

{This poem is for my sister}


bloom of magnolia
Delicate, hanging on a breath
Will it be warm
kind to you
Will it be cold
Make you drop your petals?

Wispy- so glad you liked it. This one was a hard one to write, because the issue of sexual violence is one that makes me angry, and I don't write very well when I'm too emotional. It is outrageous...

Men in the Congo
Men in Zimbabwe
freedom fighters
doped up on drugs, testosterone injections-
Tigers in the jungle, waiting to pounce?

Maybe

Women in the Congo
Women in Zimbabwe

All right, all right... I know everyone's got them. They start out serious and slowly denigrate into swiss, or perhaps cheddar. I'm talking about the cheesy love poem, so here's mine:

Symmetry of...

Umbreon Crouches

I didn't know what you were
but i liked that little guy
with rings around its tail

Google search reveals
it is pokemon
i thought those were all dead
at least vanquished by...

Sophia- never heard of that movie- wasn't really trying to channel vamps here, but i could see how it could be interpreted that way...
Virgil- glad you liked it!

what have you wrought?
a smothering indistinctness of misery as affections writhe.
once we shared innocence,
hand in hand and wide-eyed,
but your thirst paled.
a feverish morass of bitterness -...

I'm glad you liked it Dark Muse :)

This is a beautiful poem. I love the images of hope and the subsequent letting down, as well as the revelation at the end. However, I think the first stanza is stronger than the middle two; the last...

fluent english, 4 years of japanese, 2 years of spanish, and am currently learning german... and who doesn't know pig latin?!

Redder-than-blood sangria
washed over a blood orange
which is too bright to be blood
As you took my glass from me
Our eyes met
A rolling curtain of smoke
danced in your face
blue and gray...

Thank you firefangled and sofia- truly, I blush :blush:

Thank you for your kind responses Silas and Prince! Much appreciated.

Thanks Qimi and Blp, glad you enjoyed it. I thought it was kind of weird, but it stuck with me so I had to post it.

Orbits interrupted-
Everyone looked
as you shattered my stars
I clung to my moon
So you shook that too

I looked up through my tears-
You had a Picasso face
listing down your neck
I pushed...

blp- as always you are invaluable to helping me critique my poems... What would I do without you? I like the idea of a stronger comparison between the last stanza and the rest, as far as language,...

welcome to the forum ... I'm from OH, about 30 mi away from Cleve, and would love to be even further... If you've ever been here, you'd know what I mean :)