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  1. Replies
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    Correct--a publisher doesn't want to re-publish...

    It's truly disheartening to hear that. I, for one, have used this Forum to solicit suggestions from members on how to improve drafts of short stories I've posted here - with the intention of making...
  2. Salinger's The Catcher in the Rye contains a lot...

    Salinger's The Catcher in the Rye contains a lot of humor. Some of it appeals to me; some doesn't.

    I came across Our Admirable Betty by Jeffery Farnol quite by accident. The characters are...
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    I overheard a short clip on AMC. I wish I knew...

    I overheard a short clip on AMC. I wish I knew what movie it was from. It was Dean Martin's voice saying, "Oh, these women! There was one knocking on my door last night for thirty minutes - but I...
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    The dreamlike quality of the overall piece is...

    The dreamlike quality of the overall piece is appealing. The plot is slow-moving but is able to hold my interest. My earlier comments about diction still hold - when a writer's style draws a...
  5. It's a good start, and I hope you keep going with...

    It's a good start, and I hope you keep going with it. A couple of comments where it might be improved:

    I used to start off my stories with a sentence or paragraph of description of the setting to...
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    Interesting. Entertaining. Even thought...

    Interesting. Entertaining. Even thought provoking. Good post!
  7. Replies
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    I like this. Mostly I like the originality of...

    I like this. Mostly I like the originality of the plot. (I'd be willing to bet that a real-life experience was the inspiration.) Your writing is, as usual, impeccable. The last half of the latest...
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    Thanks for the bit, Steve. Fun reading. You...

    Thanks for the bit, Steve. Fun reading. You were almost shocking in that first paragraph!
    I'm curious about the green liquid - are we supposed to know what that is?
    It looks like you set the...
  9. I like that, ennison. All good points.

    I like that, ennison. All good points.
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    Interesting poem, DATo. It's all nostalgic, and...

    Interesting poem, DATo. It's all nostalgic, and then at the end you give it a bit of a twist. I've sort of gotten away from poetry the past several years. I'm nor exactly sure why. But I like...
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    Hi Manninu88, First suggestion: If you have...

    Hi Manninu88,

    First suggestion: If you have several chapters to a story, best to post them as a reply to your first post. That way, readers will have all the chapters in one place.

    I have to...
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    Sorry I missed this when it was first posted. ...

    Sorry I missed this when it was first posted. It's a really good story. I like it for its uniqueness. The entire plot changed half-way through (like in Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds), and then,...
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    Very nice, DATo! Short but sweet, as they say. ...

    Very nice, DATo! Short but sweet, as they say. I knew of course that there would be a twist ending, but I thought it was going to be a puppy dog. So you ended up surprising me after all, and your...
  14. Thread: Brevity

    by 108 fountains
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    View Post

    Brevity (continued)

    “It’s nothing. It’s just… It’s just I miss you so much.”

    “Sweetheart, I know you very well by now. There is something else bothering you. You don’t want to tell me?”
    ...
  15. Thread: Brevity

    by 108 fountains
    Replies
    2
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    1,722

    Brevity

    Hi everyone. It's been a while, in fact it's been just over one year since I wrote a story. Well, here's one for you. Darker than most, and definitely has adult themes. Since it's about 3500...
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    I like this a lot. I like the simplicity of it,...

    I like this a lot. I like the simplicity of it, and the simple writing style of short, declarative sentences in short paragraphs complimented the simplicity of the idea. And I like the portrayal of...
  17. Well, several emotionally charged scenes come to...

    Well, several emotionally charged scenes come to mind - the final scene of Herman Hesse's Siddhartha, Dickens' description of the death of Little Nell, and the entire chapter six of A Tale of Two...
  18. Hi ThomasRS, Please take my comments as they...

    Hi ThomasRS,

    Please take my comments as they are meant - as constructive criticism. The main criticism that I have is that it just seems like you are trying too hard. This manifests itself in a...
  19. Have you ever noticed that in all the depictions...

    Have you ever noticed that in all the depictions of Adam and Eve, they both have belly buttons? Think about it.
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    I like the way you put: "Instead of telling...

    I like the way you put: "Instead of telling yourself while the island doesn't exist, you come up with reasons as to why it should..."

    For myself, without getting into definitions of magical...
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    This little piece is one of your finest, Steve. ...

    This little piece is one of your finest, Steve. Probably not many people will recognize the two characters as Richard Burton and Isabel Arundell. I presume the title and the references to fragrance...
  22. It must have been difficult for you to write this...

    It must have been difficult for you to write this as it obviously is very emotional for you. I think you have a good beginning.

    You requested no criticism on your English, and that’s fine; I...
  23. Well, you're going to have to break it into...

    Well, you're going to have to break it into paragraphs. There's no way I (or anyone else) is going to read through 60 or 70 lines of text with any breaks.
    To start with, when their is dialogue, you...
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    I agree with YesNo that posting on this Forum is...

    I agree with YesNo that posting on this Forum is probably safe since it has a date stamp. I've seen some people use the copyright symbol © when posting here. I'm not sure that placing that symbol...
  25. Christmas 30 years ago on the Sudanese-Ethioipan Border

    Today, I can't help remembering my Christmas 30 years ago, in 1985, half a lifetime ago. I was living and working in the Ethiopian refugee camps in eastern Sudan during the Great Famine of 1984-86. I...
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