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    The Sea of Obsidian

    Standing on the cotton shores,
    staring at the sea of dark glass,
    I watch your lungs fill with shards
    as you breathe in the heartless
    obsidian. The black smoke grays
    the white sky, filling the...
  2. Thread: Coma

    by MiltonSatyr
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    Coma

    As I lie in my black room,
    their voices move in the shadows
    from side to side by my ears,
    and I stare into the void.

    I can smell the giggles of women
    outside of this sterile darkness
    which...
  3. Thread: Tinfoil

    by MiltonSatyr
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    Thanks for catching that error. Thought I got...

    Thanks for catching that error. Thought I got most of it; so much text. haha
    That video was funny :P lol
    Thanks for reading. :)
  4. Thread: Tinfoil

    by MiltonSatyr
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    Tinfoil

    Standing inside my kitchen I start
    pulling the damaged
    drawer by the clean,
    yellow sink and thinking
    of people; I withdraw
    the cardboard box of tinfoil
    I bought yesterday; my experience
    is...
  5. Thread: Nettles

    by MiltonSatyr
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    I like the sonic landscape and the images you...

    I like the sonic landscape and the images you paint here. It has a lot of sensory depth, and it seems to capture the essence of "age is only a number." An acceptance of death while trying to maintain...
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    I appreciate the compliment. I was thinking more...

    I appreciate the compliment. I was thinking more literally when I wrote that line, I think. A lot of blinds are made of plastic, and I'm saying that the mother of my children drew the plastic blinds...
  7. Thread: The Rabbit

    by MiltonSatyr
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    I appreciate your comments :) Thank you for...

    I appreciate your comments :) Thank you for reading.
  8. Thread: The Rabbit

    by MiltonSatyr
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    825

    The Rabbit

    The Rabbit walks on moss and rocks
    itís raining mud through broken sticks
    the cavern makes arachnids talk
    with flames that shadows love to kiss
    The Rabbit stumbles into knots
    of spiderwebs that...
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    Lol You're funny. :P I'm glad you enjoyed the...

    Lol You're funny. :P I'm glad you enjoyed the wordplay. Sadly the protagonist is me. I didn't focus too much on meter in this piece, but I tried to be straightforward while being metaphorical and...
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    Blackened Glass

    Sitting in the corner, I was just a sick animal;
    and you forcibly cut out my tied tongue.
    I wanted to bite you deeply and then lick your blood
    to make sure the open wound would soon heal,
    but...
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    Thanks for the kind words. I appreciate you...

    Thanks for the kind words. I appreciate you taking the time to read this. :)
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    I'm glad you two enjoyed it. Thank you very much...

    I'm glad you two enjoyed it. Thank you very much for taking the time to read this. :)
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    Orange Juice

    We were having breakfast
    that morning,
    and I was chewing too loud;
    the eggs had too much salt,
    the bacon was overcooked,
    and the toast was cold.
    You asked me if we
    had any orange juice:...
  14. Thread: Alaska

    by MiltonSatyr
    Replies
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    658

    Alaska

    he sees Alaska
    deep in her eyes
    frozen by arctic
    winds with chilled-shock
    icicles under
    pupils from frost
    tundra-filled hearts
    make the northern lights
    color the atmosphere with the...
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    I like this story. It is very quirky. I like that...

    I like this story. It is very quirky. I like that you put in so many peripheral characters; it really makes the experience come to life. I very much enjoyed the line where the narrator notices the...
  16. Thread: Hide

    by MiltonSatyr
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    I like this better than mine. Good job. I think...

    I like this better than mine. Good job. I think adding some more concrete nouns would flesh it out more, but I like the tone a lot. Though I didn't like my poem, I'm happy it inspired you to write...
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    Agreed! :D

    Agreed! :D
  18. Thread: Black Bag

    by MiltonSatyr
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    I don't agree with you, respectfully. I think the...

    I don't agree with you, respectfully. I think the ambiguity adds more than any internal dialogue would have. But you may be right, and that is something worth considering for my next poems. :)

    In...
  19. Thread: Coffee

    by MiltonSatyr
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    377

    I appreciate your comment. :) I do try to make...

    I appreciate your comment. :) I do try to make every line count, if I can. Thank you for reading.
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    Glad you noticed. :P Though I do agree with you...

    Glad you noticed. :P Though I do agree with you about the bab-belly skin line, I'm keeping it, haha. Also, I keep trying to add a comment on your Thistle poem, but I can't for some reason. It's...
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    You got it. ;) Thank you for taking the time to...

    You got it. ;) Thank you for taking the time to read it. :)
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    I believe in you.

    A raging sun cooks,
    from above,
    your naked, young back
    as you crawl across
    this skillet-floor
    that blisters your
    baby-belly skin.

    You
    can do
  23. Thread: Black Bag

    by MiltonSatyr
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    Thank you for the encouragement. :) I'm glad you...

    Thank you for the encouragement. :) I'm glad you liked it. I never actually considered that interpretation of the chair. That's very cool. Hopefully, I'll die tied to it. :P
  24. Thread: Black Bag

    by MiltonSatyr
    Replies
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    I suppose. I guess, when I was writing this, I...

    I suppose. I guess, when I was writing this, I was thinking, if a person were to be kidnapped and black bagged, once the bag was removed, the exposure to the immediate light would cause temporary...
  25. Thread: Black Bag

    by MiltonSatyr
    Replies
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    526

    Haha, it is a beanbag chair! lol, no. You're...

    Haha, it is a beanbag chair! lol, no. You're right about needing meter. I should have paid more attention to that. I also agree about the assonance (it's my favorite) and alliteration. I very much...
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