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  1. Replies
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    Poll: I probably was not a good one to vote as it was...

    I probably was not a good one to vote as it was not very educated. I have only read Pride and Prejudice and Northanger Abbey. Meaning not a very educated vote but I voted nonetheless.
  2. Thread: The quiet man

    by mosimo
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    Very emotional and very well written.

    Very emotional and very well written.
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    There are two main components that make up as...

    There are two main components that make up as narrative one Scene and two action. Dialogue is just one part of action and therefore I think it would be really difficult to actually produce a story...
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    Poll: I do enjoy a good Sci Fi every now and then so...

    I do enjoy a good Sci Fi every now and then so was drawn to read your story. My vote would go for "good start" if that was one of the categories. What you need to do is fine tone your writing style...
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    I think it might be made a little bit more clear...

    I think it might be made a little bit more clear if you added a bit of the scene after the long thought section. Show where the boy is sitting after he has been yelled at.
  6. Thread: is it love?

    by mosimo
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    1,597

    Short stories are meant to entertain. This was a...

    Short stories are meant to entertain. This was a little to short and in the prose form a little bland. Good start. Sorry to be negative as for potential there is a lot but it needs polishing up into...
  7. Thread: is it love?

    by mosimo
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    1,597

    This is to prose-ish you should at least write it...

    This is to prose-ish you should at least write it like a short story otherwise it is more like reading an essay. If you are arguing a point then write an essay but short stories need to be written in...
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    Poll: Come on people out of respect for these people's...

    Come on people out of respect for these people's creations the least you can do is vote. Read the stories!!! They are worth it.
  9. Thread: "Broke Like Me"

    by mosimo
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    1,852

    Let me just ask this one question are you really...

    Let me just ask this one question are you really complaining about the fact that millionaires have more money then they know what to do with or is it that you think that they do not deserve the money...
  10. Thread: "Broke Like Me"

    by mosimo
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    1,852

    As the story goes it was a good story yet I think...

    As the story goes it was a good story yet I think it would have been better if it had been told from the point of view of the woman rather than the millionaire. You leave the desired outcome of the...
  11. I would have to say the main problem with the...

    I would have to say the main problem with the majority of you writing is that you don't spend enough time to actually develop your stories. You have a sharp brain you just need to use it a little...
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    Poll: I know that many times in my writing i get to...

    I know that many times in my writing i get to desciptive of details rather than focusing on the fact that I am telling a story. Thanx for the advise.
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    I felt it was sticky because the story was moving...

    I felt it was sticky because the story was moving at a fast pace and then all of a sudden at the climax everything stopped for a few seconds. Additionally if you have ever stood behind a gun pointing...
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    Yes the anecdotes might seem a little unlikely...

    Yes the anecdotes might seem a little unlikely but remember they are running thought the mind of a man who is partially crazy and who is having hallucinations. And as to the grammar mistakes I will...
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    Very intersesting and entertaining story. It was...

    Very intersesting and entertaining story. It was a little sticky at the point where everybody drew guns but other wise nice story.
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    Very sad story and well writen for being your...

    Very sad story and well writen for being your first. Keep it up.
  17. Thread: My World

    by mosimo
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    1,176

    Yes that did help a lot with my perspective of...

    Yes that did help a lot with my perspective of the story.

    This is definitely a light story that isn't made to be seen as something that would happen in real life.
    I would think then that this is...
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    There I have done a few corrections and edits.

    There I have done a few corrections and edits.
  19. Thread: My World

    by mosimo
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    Yes I would have to agree this is a ditsy story....

    Yes I would have to agree this is a ditsy story. I hate to be critical but It is lacking something. The repeated use of Mine seems too childish and repetitive. Additionally the actions don't really...
  20. Thread: Purgatory

    by mosimo
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    I must say I do like your writing style. I am...

    I must say I do like your writing style. I am just left thinking why. It is a simple story about a brush yet it contains so much imagery and depth. My head is spinning. There is nothing more to say....
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    Yes I really need to improve my dialogue thanks....

    Yes I really need to improve my dialogue thanks. I had not thought of placing the noose earlier but that really would enhance the story. Especially since he does not use it in the end. I will try...
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    Yes you are crazy but what is that to the matter?...

    Yes you are crazy but what is that to the matter? ;) The story as a story was very good. It flowed nicely and was a very easy read. Nevertheless the issues talked about in the story are complex and I...
  23. Thread: In Palestine

    by mosimo
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    I would have to agree with you on the point that...

    I would have to agree with you on the point that the writers on this site are shouting down a well. Another good story I liked how you made it seem like modern history until the very end. Very...
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    Is everybody depressed right now? OK Now I am...

    Is everybody depressed right now? OK Now I am going to go write a comedy. Although technically your story had a happy ending I feel sad.
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    Not that I specifically thought out. Other than...

    Not that I specifically thought out. Other than possibly don't waste your life. Or that to many people go through life without looking at the real picture blaming themselves for everything but never...
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