Perhaps for 'vicious' you could have 'avaricious' - a 'cloud' that applies to a person might be better expressed as an 'aura' - and for 'wet shower' just use 'shower'.
H
Type: Posts; User: hillwalker; Keyword(s):
Perhaps for 'vicious' you could have 'avaricious' - a 'cloud' that applies to a person might be better expressed as an 'aura' - and for 'wet shower' just use 'shower'.
H
I realise that this is a translation so you are limited to how much of your own thoughts and ideas you can put in the poem.
First impressions, it's a little repetitive (lots of references to the sky...