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Blink 1 - Childhood







When I touch something once, it turns to gold

I killed a mouse. I did not realize it was a mother. A few minutes later I found four baby mice tucked away in an old rag I used to dry off my car last summer.



Don't worry,

they couldn't...

The Concrete Mountain

Let's climb the concrete mountain now, before it turns to clouds.
Before we reach the top I promise our hair will never turn gray as long as we never stop.
And don't look...

I feel like this poem will carry more emotional and artistic weight if the discovery is handled differently, rather than "I thought about life, and all that it meant" I think you should show us the...

I should f ucking know this stuff already.
Yes, I’m talking to me.
I may have noticed that my life is falling apart everywhere I look, yet I still refuse
to look ANYWHERE as long as I know for...

I got a wet one™ to wash away the blood from my mustache. From the glove compartment. My ex-wife put a packet of wet ones™ there during the 90s, she insisted we still needed them even though we sadly...

Soon, the smell of freshly shredded soil
will pulse across my farm like a
church's bell in a close-knit town.

I'll follow the sun across the cotton
grapevine of the sky,
as will the...

Just after I got done killing
their mother, I found four baby mice
tucked away in that old rag I used
to dry off my car last summer.

Don't worry,
they couldn't watch her die.
Mother never...

Never choose a word just because it rhymes. There are moments of this poem where it starts to get good but then it's ruined by an utterly wrong word choice.

I feel like you have something...

I think your idea for the poem is good, but I think the presentation and form is severely lacking, clunky, and lifeless.

None of the words sound good together. Literally is used the wrong way for...

I like the voice a lot, it seems almost like you break the 4th wall even though you don't.

I really like most of the similes, but after the wrought iron bars line I think the rest of the poem...

Oh. So that's why they're called the powder-puff girls. I thought a powder-puff was a type of eclair for some reason. Maybe I'm thinking of cream puffs?

Yeah I can understand that. I just personally hate the word dollop. *shudder*

I'd change the first line to "On a crisp Autumn morning"

Morn is a frustrating antiquated word that kills the flow and rhythm of the poem right from the start. Nothing special happens in the...

She eats this peach piece by piece--
delicious, almost citrus
pieces sometimes pink, sometimes red,
sometimes colors faded away.
Sometimes that's worse than decay.
Father laughs as he watches ...

Or an example of how Robert Frost would make a line rhyme.

And what if the line isn't the inverse version of "I will always follow you," but instead, a statement that after his relationship with...

I like this a lot. And I see this is your first post which is exciting.

But I don't like lines three and four nearly as much as I like the rest of the lines.

All the lines speak in...

She eats this peach piece by piece--
delicious, almost citrus
pieces sometimes pink, sometimes red,
sometimes colors faded away.
Sometimes that's worse than decay.
Father laughs as he watches ...

I see what you did there.

And actually, after making that connection, I think delicious is a better word choice than super. While super is mainly there for alliteration, to sound good, and to add...

Please ignore this thread, and look at the poem "Her Life is Peachy" instead.

I revised the poem and now it's a lot different and the title sweet tooth doesn't fit at all anymore, and it wouldn't...

Have you ever eaten a caramel apple
and not gotten pissed off?
I know I sure haven't.
They look so good in the window,
the perfect staple to a day at the fair
or something, but hardened...

Contented I think is one of the ugliest words in the English language.

And content, according to the dictionary, is an adjective that means satisfied or "in a state of peaceful happiness." It...

Can someone explain to me how "her content sigh should suck the pond dry" doesn't make any sense? The definitions of those words together in that order, to me, make sense. Is their some loophole I...

It should be "a useless" not "an useless." U is a vowel but the sound the word useless starts with a "yoo" sound.

I think you could drop the first line because the title will smoothly transition...

My first thought when reading this was Breaking Bad HEISENBERG. But hmm, it's probably more likely to be about Scarlett? Especially considering the title, and the name drop.

Or is the gone with...