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Paragraphs are done by double spacing.

Like so.

See? It's fun?

In other news, I think your story would benefit if we were given some reason to care about any of the characters. Never...

A simple example: "He ran, ran like no writer had ran before." 'He ran' is in past tense, which sets the tense of the story. Thus, it needs to be "He ran, ran like no writer had run before."
...

Ok...

Might I suggest holding off on posting until you have a story? A scene is all well and good if there is a point to the scene in of itself, something that we could appreciate or give...

This story needs editing. There are extra words that could be cut to create a more clean read (...to create a cleaner read).

I have to agree with the second commenter. The "moral" should be...

I don't have much time right now, so I'll be succinct. There is past tense, present tense and future tense. You have chosen to write the story in past tense - good choice - but continually drift...

Yeah, no kidding! This line up is pretty good. ^_^

So, what happens if there's a tie? Will the admins pool their collective awesome together to pick the winner?

You know, I don't think I've actually read Winnie-the-Pooh or Peter Pan...

It's a really pretty quote, though.

Not bad, however it could use some work. For example, the transition between the vision-like sequence with the dragon and the evil guy to the boy and the rock is a little choppy. The reader could...

This is a little more autobiographical than I'm used to writing, but please don't let the personal nature of the piece stay your hand. I'd still like some constructive criticism as I'm not good at...

Humn, one of the main problems I see here plot-wise is the lack of sympathy I felt for either of the main characters. I honestly didn't care whether Storm lived or died - or Elowyn for that matter. ...

I'm curious why you decided to write it in the first person. That point of view didn't really add anything to the story, nor the observations that were made from the narrator's point of view. Why...

I sympathize with your translation issues. I suggest getting a word processor, as that will at least catch all the obvious spelling errors and grammatical mistakes, and will help make it more...

It's not my favorite - but neither is the style it's written in. I liked Pride and Prejudice more, but I still don't think that's the greatest love story.

I'm just amazed that there are only two stories this time around, especially after last month's, what, 5?

I've decided that I'm officially no good with "experimental" pieces... *sighs*

I'd just like to say that while I had problems with the plot (already addressed), your writing isn't bad by any extent of the word. I'll hold off on a real review until you post your next story, but...

You know your piece better than I do, Ben. It's clear that this is not a finished piece, nor was it written from scratch where you had the liberty to do whatever you wished with it. So, I feel it...

That's the start of my problem, but take it a little further. I got that everyone saw Johnny the same way (though I'd like to understand more what it was about Johnny that gave them that...

Here's some definitions of "infer" that might help you see my point. Let me know if you want me to expand on that thought a little bit more. ^_^

1. to derive by reasoning; conclude or judge from...

As I said in my comments, I knew the other meaning to the word. I was just letting you know that it might detract from your story. Sometimes, it doesn't matter if a word works - it has to be the...

changes from blue to green.

All love is important.

And now I feel cliche.

*laughs* I think everyone else has said it nicely. I'm a little amazed that someone tried this so obviously... >_>

Now I'm sad I missed this... =(