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  1. Thread: Watermelon Days

    by cogs
    Replies
    8
    Views
    1,457

    lol, i had no trouble picturing the shadows,...

    lol, i had no trouble picturing the shadows, since the sun's so bright, and the lounging chair is angular. i didn't understand the hot stones sticking, though, other than they're stuck into the...
  2. Thread: The Flood

    by cogs
    Replies
    16
    Views
    1,554

    what a lighthearted poem! my suggestions are:...

    what a lighthearted poem! my suggestions are: 'for' instead of 'and' in L9 to set off the explanation. and is lilo hyphenated? (i didn't even know what one was, but it's funny, like it's his personal...
  3. Thread: Resolution

    by cogs
    Replies
    2
    Views
    797

    Resolution

    I’d rather author
    Bad, good poetry,
    Than be the king of
    Good, bad poetry
  4. Thread: Ouija

    by cogs
    Replies
    2
    Views
    1,124

    very nice... at first, i didn't know if they were...

    very nice... at first, i didn't know if they were inside or outside of the castle. i enjoyed the assonance of sorts, dinosaurs, and unicorns; also, the great expression of the thoughts and fantasy.
  5. Thread: Seizure

    by cogs
    Replies
    3
    Views
    1,041

    hawkman, you live up to your name, with that...

    hawkman, you live up to your name, with that hawk's eye - you only sculpt my poem to be better. with the spacing technique, i was going for a gradual slowdown... that was the only way to justify the...
  6. Thread: Seizure

    by cogs
    Replies
    3
    Views
    1,041

    Seizure

    Winter invaded and pillaged,
    Yellow and red made him jealous,
    Kidnapped the harvest of candy--
    Autumn left hungry and shieldless.

    Refugee heat absconded, when
    Icy caesar usurped the throne;...
  7. Thread: The Bloigs

    by cogs
    Replies
    6
    Views
    879

    lol at first i thought it was about the 'burgs',...

    lol at first i thought it was about the 'burgs', but spelled as the 'boigs'. this was very imaginative, and i liked it when they laughed.
  8. Thread: Two Butterflies

    by cogs
    Replies
    15
    Views
    2,272

    oh, with your post, i get what you mean about...

    oh, with your post, i get what you mean about 'renewed'. i now understand how the butterflies and bees are so attracted to the 'heady' scent. also, i see how you're contrasting the periwinkles'...
  9. Replies
    10
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    1,357

    i would liken the white sheets blowing as the...

    i would liken the white sheets blowing as the snow... red is good for passion. i'm not sure about 'after loving', since 'passions spent' repeats it. nice poem, with rhyme (sprawled and called), and...
  10. Replies
    20
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    3,584

    by 'oblique', do you mean "the ubiquitous and...

    by 'oblique', do you mean "the ubiquitous and dark obelisk"? i can understand if you want to keep things mysterious. i guess my metaphors are mostly based in something that i actually do want the...
  11. Replies
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    3,584

    your conclusion may be a developmental phase of...

    your conclusion may be a developmental phase of man. i saw how small starlights are similar to bits that control screenlight (starlit bits, lol). at first, i took the obelisk to mean the moon, which...
  12. Thread: Two Butterflies

    by cogs
    Replies
    15
    Views
    2,272

    'determined, to an apple tree' doesn't seem to...

    'determined, to an apple tree' doesn't seem to explain the butterflies' intent. also, i don't know in what way the lilac is 'renewed'. i first read it as the bees are from the wood(s), particularly...
  13. Thread: Familiar Melody

    by cogs
    Replies
    0
    Views
    623

    Familiar Melody

    As I hummed an old song,
    On the playground new moms
    Closely guarded young ones,
    Where I found a worn wallet

    Within, a man, my age,
    In faded laminate,
    Beheld this third dimension,
    And...
  14. Replies
    23
    Views
    3,745

    yes, you're right that it does have a logical...

    yes, you're right that it does have a logical progression. perhaps the readers' mental response is what i'm 'reading' into this, with the idea of transition. perhaps you intentionally cast out an...
  15. Thread: Hypocrite Lecteur

    by cogs
    Replies
    23
    Views
    4,122

    reading on the level of the presented...

    reading on the level of the presented information, i enjoy the first stanza's metaphors. the meter flows well. the 'giving' is redundant, and would like to have heard some additional insight into his...
  16. Replies
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    3,745

    ah i love your wit. what i'm missing (and this is...

    ah i love your wit. what i'm missing (and this is the reader speaking), are transitional bridges within the overall coherent scope of the poem. perhaps it's the prose writer in me, spilling...
  17. Replies
    13
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    1,971

    you have a poem here, for which you've written a...

    you have a poem here, for which you've written a first draft. the contrast here is freedom vs. constraint.
  18. Thread: water falls

    by cogs
    Replies
    6
    Views
    1,354

    ah love the sound... it's so light and...

    ah love the sound... it's so light and refreshing. the only word i don't like in this is attraction, since its consonants are hard. the whole cascades as water, and i think you should line break the...
  19. Replies
    236
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    66,020

    well, i am a fan of modern jazz. funny how you...

    well, i am a fan of modern jazz. funny how you mimicked the syncopated beat. lol, i wrote a jazz piece a while ago, and determined that only when i improve will i write another. 'attack' is apropos...
  20. Replies
    14
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    3,288

    that's a great idea to watch videos. is english...

    that's a great idea to watch videos. is english your first language?
  21. Replies
    2
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    761

    wow, this is insane and gruesome. it's...

    wow, this is insane and gruesome. it's mesmerising how she is so specific about each part, yet after inspection, makes an illogical decision. what i made out of the title is the ghost limb she's...
  22. Thread: Some Good Advice

    by cogs
    Replies
    35
    Views
    5,575

    two enlightening ideas from both debaters on both...

    two enlightening ideas from both debaters on both threads:
    morpheussandman: "You can intend whatever you want, but just because you have intended it does not mean that's actually what you've...
  23. Replies
    14
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    3,288

    which leads me to my question: what is the rule...

    which leads me to my question: what is the rule for stress combinations, when some words someone may stress, and another may unstress? is it just dictated by the context it's in, or is there some...
  24. Replies
    17
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    1,661

    it's so interesting the way love, though flowing,...

    it's so interesting the way love, though flowing, could find no path. i agree about the change of tone signaling the effect of the wall between them.
  25. Replies
    5
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    1,111

    between the title and the exclamation is a jump,...

    between the title and the exclamation is a jump, but i don't know, in such a small space, how to overcome this gap. okay, one quick suggestion is 'Look!' but idk.
    wonderful lines, that i've often...
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