lol, i had no trouble picturing the shadows, since the sun's so bright, and the lounging chair is angular. i didn't understand the hot stones sticking, though, other than they're stuck into the...
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lol, i had no trouble picturing the shadows, since the sun's so bright, and the lounging chair is angular. i didn't understand the hot stones sticking, though, other than they're stuck into the...
what a lighthearted poem! my suggestions are: 'for' instead of 'and' in L9 to set off the explanation. and is lilo hyphenated? (i didn't even know what one was, but it's funny, like it's his personal...
I’d rather author
Bad, good poetry,
Than be the king of
Good, bad poetry
very nice... at first, i didn't know if they were inside or outside of the castle. i enjoyed the assonance of sorts, dinosaurs, and unicorns; also, the great expression of the thoughts and fantasy.
hawkman, you live up to your name, with that hawk's eye - you only sculpt my poem to be better. with the spacing technique, i was going for a gradual slowdown... that was the only way to justify the...
Winter invaded and pillaged,
Yellow and red made him jealous,
Kidnapped the harvest of candy--
Autumn left hungry and shieldless.
Refugee heat absconded, when
Icy caesar usurped the throne;...
lol at first i thought it was about the 'burgs', but spelled as the 'boigs'. this was very imaginative, and i liked it when they laughed.
oh, with your post, i get what you mean about 'renewed'. i now understand how the butterflies and bees are so attracted to the 'heady' scent. also, i see how you're contrasting the periwinkles'...
i would liken the white sheets blowing as the snow... red is good for passion. i'm not sure about 'after loving', since 'passions spent' repeats it. nice poem, with rhyme (sprawled and called), and...
by 'oblique', do you mean "the ubiquitous and dark obelisk"? i can understand if you want to keep things mysterious. i guess my metaphors are mostly based in something that i actually do want the...
your conclusion may be a developmental phase of man. i saw how small starlights are similar to bits that control screenlight (starlit bits, lol). at first, i took the obelisk to mean the moon, which...
'determined, to an apple tree' doesn't seem to explain the butterflies' intent. also, i don't know in what way the lilac is 'renewed'. i first read it as the bees are from the wood(s), particularly...
As I hummed an old song,
On the playground new moms
Closely guarded young ones,
Where I found a worn wallet
Within, a man, my age,
In faded laminate,
Beheld this third dimension,
And...
yes, you're right that it does have a logical progression. perhaps the readers' mental response is what i'm 'reading' into this, with the idea of transition. perhaps you intentionally cast out an...
reading on the level of the presented information, i enjoy the first stanza's metaphors. the meter flows well. the 'giving' is redundant, and would like to have heard some additional insight into his...
ah i love your wit. what i'm missing (and this is the reader speaking), are transitional bridges within the overall coherent scope of the poem. perhaps it's the prose writer in me, spilling...
you have a poem here, for which you've written a first draft. the contrast here is freedom vs. constraint.
ah love the sound... it's so light and refreshing. the only word i don't like in this is attraction, since its consonants are hard. the whole cascades as water, and i think you should line break the...
well, i am a fan of modern jazz. funny how you mimicked the syncopated beat. lol, i wrote a jazz piece a while ago, and determined that only when i improve will i write another. 'attack' is apropos...
that's a great idea to watch videos. is english your first language?
wow, this is insane and gruesome. it's mesmerising how she is so specific about each part, yet after inspection, makes an illogical decision. what i made out of the title is the ghost limb she's...
two enlightening ideas from both debaters on both threads:
morpheussandman: "You can intend whatever you want, but just because you have intended it does not mean that's actually what you've...
which leads me to my question: what is the rule for stress combinations, when some words someone may stress, and another may unstress? is it just dictated by the context it's in, or is there some...
it's so interesting the way love, though flowing, could find no path. i agree about the change of tone signaling the effect of the wall between them.
between the title and the exclamation is a jump, but i don't know, in such a small space, how to overcome this gap. okay, one quick suggestion is 'Look!' but idk.
wonderful lines, that i've often...