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  1. Replies
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    Too sad! Haunting and romantic, loved it! But you...

    Too sad! Haunting and romantic, loved it! But you don't keep up with your tenses. In the beginning, you use present tense, then switch to past tense, and from there on, it's pretty random. I have a...
  2. Thread: Paranoia

    by Ely_Massacre
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    1,242

    Yay for comments. [: Yeah, I didn't believe...

    Yay for comments. [:
    Yeah, I didn't believe that it really revolved around paranoia, but something else entirely- or more than one "else". But I couldn't think of a better title to describe what...
  3. Thread: Paranoia

    by Ely_Massacre
    Replies
    3
    Views
    1,242

    Paranoia

    The man from the night before. He's here, now. I can feel his presence; it's suffocating me, or is that my pillow? I can't tell the difference anymore. After two nights of this game, my senses have...
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    Too sweet. The very last line I quoted on a...

    Too sweet. The very last line I quoted on a different site- to you, yes. It's very touching.
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    That next day, Lupe and Roger set out, trying to...

    That next day, Lupe and Roger set out, trying to stay incognito when entering the center of the port city. They bought little supplies, not wishing to linger too long. When exiting the city, they...
  6. Thread: Shattered

    by Ely_Massacre
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    709

    I realize this is a short story, but this might...

    I realize this is a short story, but this might be... too short. Even certain stories have more detail than this. I recommend elaborating some more, adding more detail, and maybe even looking over...
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    "I manage to shared it out to keep the hungry at...

    "I manage to shared it out to keep the hungry at bay."
    This is honestly a beautiful line. As far as I can tell, this is a tortuous time, and yet someone is able to bring some positivity into the...
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    Amused from minute one. A wonderful read. A++...

    Amused from minute one. A wonderful read. A++ work, my friend. [:
  9. "I have just enough time to stare into her...

    "I have just enough time to stare into her beautiful face one more time and cover my tracks before the door swings open and I greet my wife with a smile that belongs to somebody else."

    Totally...
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    Well, actually, this short story is bits and...

    Well, actually, this short story is bits and pieces of a novel I'm writing. So that's why it's all happening quickly. The beginning of my novel I completely cut out and skipped to this, since I...
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    Dinner was cruel, and Lupe felt it was fit enough...

    Dinner was cruel, and Lupe felt it was fit enough for some type of torture device. She knew if this crap-sauce was used for interrogation in the future, it would receive some answers. Very thorough...
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    I would die quickly in the hopes of an out-of...

    I would die quickly in the hopes of an out-of body experience. Maybe watch my eyes pop out of my head. =P But that's just me.
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    Over the course of a few days, Lupe developed a...

    Over the course of a few days, Lupe developed a few conversational skills with her new voice, finding it easier to lower it for speaking each day. Having a comrade was perfect practice for perfecting...
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    The Time Crusader

    The marketplace was exceptionally crowded today, since the weather change was afoot. Lupe enjoyed the suddenly gray trees and sky; they better obscured her face. She gave wry smiles at passers-by,...
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    So, I've decided I'm finished with this story....

    So, I've decided I'm finished with this story. There's another one I wish to share, but don't want to post while this one is still in "existence" (meaning it's still on the forum). How do you delete?...
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    Stepping away was futile. Trying to maneuver him...

    Stepping away was futile. Trying to maneuver him was useless. Escaping, at this point, didn't look like an option. Her heart sank, as did her will. She wasn't the type to give up so easily, but...
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    This is definitely some type of comedy! Dude, I...

    This is definitely some type of comedy! Dude, I enjoyed every second of this piece! The irony, and how LITERAL the title was- I'm sure you can sense the excitement in my text! In the beginning, you...
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    Haha, glad you like Xavier. [; She's probably my...

    Haha, glad you like Xavier. [; She's probably my most bold character yet. =D I try my best with that energy, since Xavier herself is full of enthusiasm. It's hard to do, since I'm not that type of...
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    This is beautiful. My heart swelled as my...

    This is beautiful. My heart swelled as my thoughts lingered over to my sweet heart. [: This is one of those works that relates to everyone in one way or another. This is just... so wonderful. Please,...
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    Amethyst Eyes

    As the rest of the newspaper staff worked vigorously on the next paper, Xavier worked just as hard on her own project. She set up questions, ones that were subtle, but hopefully would be enough to...
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    This actually reminds me of a poem by Carl...

    This actually reminds me of a poem by Carl Sandburg, though I can't entirely remember which one it was. But still, I couldn't help but read to the very end, which is saying something, seeing as I...
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    That Cyborg's Amethyst Eyes

    Xavier never went back to sleep, but instead obsessed over the new boy in town. Though she swore up and down she wasn't like any of these small town hicks, her thoughts continued to revolve around...
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    =d

    Thanks so much for your commentary. ^-^ Sorry if there isn't much description, but it IS a short story. So hard to do that, y'know! But thank you for commenting, it's nice to know someone likes it! =D
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    That Cyborg's Amethyst Eyes

    Xavier drove home, slightly dazed, her mind muddled by that afternoon's events. The class didn't commence as usual, for people continued to gossip about the "super human" Benjamin Trek. Xavier felt...
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    That Cyborg's Amethyst Eyes

    Xavier Gonzales, as you might read often, wasn't your average teenager. She enjoyed school. She liked physical education, and signed up for the class every year- though she wasn't an exceptional...
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