Search:

Removed for publication

Gotcha

Hi WolfLarson,

Wow! I've never had my writing described as conventional before. Thank you for your feedback.

Great one! The Butterfinger argument had me cracking up.

Johnny Ray pulled his bare feet up off the floor just as the large gray rat scurried past. The small beast moved quickly, sniffing the damp concrete as it went. It completed its search of Johnny’s...

Thank you for the feedback, Jerrybaldy. My favorite poems aren't rhyming ones either and for much the same reasons. As a poet, I'm definitely a novice.

Hi Wolf,

Thank you for your feedback. I try out different genres and styles (still trying to find my niche).

Hi Calidore,

Thank you so much again for your feedback. I will certainly consider your recommendations when I re-edit.

About the streets of London

clad in slippered feet

searching darkened venues

where the right ones I may meet


I lead them to the alleys

Urilla’s lips were close, almost touching my ear.

“I love you Wyatt,” she whispered.

I reeled back slightly, surprised by the sudden sound of my wife’s voice. I turned around in my chair and...

I liked the writing and the story. Thank you for posting it.

I completely agree, Mohammad.

We hold them in our hearts
those heroes who have fallen
The selfless ones
who picked up guns
and fought when duty called them

They packed their gear
and departed here
to counties not their...

We share with you
a different view
We take you places unseen
We introduce you
to new nightmares
and beasts to haunt your dreams
We celebrate love,
the heavens above
as well as the fires of...

I agree that a second and possibly a third draft along with some dialog would do wonders. You have the makings of a pretty good story here, it just feels incomplete. You're on the right track though.

You definitely have some skills. I won't get into anything negative because anything that I would point out has already been discussed in the above threads. I will say that this line was the most...

I agree with qimissung. I thought that the story was very well written and I enjoyed it all the way through.

Dear Mr. Elliot,

Thank you for your recent review of my story, To Kill with Style. Although I thoroughly enjoyed the way that you picked apart my story’s plot and poked fun at my grammar skills, I...

Hi Calidore,

Thank you for your assessment. I'm happy that you liked them. Thank you for pointing out the type-o, I'll fix it right away. I wrote both of these stories for a Flash500 contest and...

Hi Calidore,

I appreciate your feedback. I understand what you mean about the logical gaps and I agree with you about the not driving part (This was one of my first short tales). However, the rest...

The Caregiver


The warm, summer breeze caught one of the many dandelions on my front lawn just right and sent its white seedlings sailing into the air. As I watched from my window, the seedlings...

I love your writing style and cannot really find anything to critique about your story other than that some of the dialog feels a bit straight-laced and stiff. But then, it depends on the style of...

I'm not much of a poet. I just love Poe. This poem is about the last five days of his life...as much as it could be, That is. Thank you for you feedback.

Five days gone

in search of my sanity

I’ve emptied many bottles

but found only my mortality

Mommy Loves You

Troy Creech looked around the living room when he walked in the house. Head barely poking through the door, he listened for sounds. Not just any sounds, but the banging and...