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  1. Replies
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    Explicating Billy Budd

    xxx xxx xxx
  2. Replies
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    2,121

    The best here is the title. Next best-- the...

    The best here is the title.

    Next best-- the poem.

    HH
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    Thanks for the reply. I've been away. ...

    Thanks for the reply.

    I've been away.

    Reading this again, I see typos, errors and
    gaffs-- but a general malaise keeps me from
    editing.

    HH
  4. Replies
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    Action at a Distance

    Action at a distance.

    The question of whether a man who loves a woman in
    another county, state (country) can act 'at a distance'
    was still up in the air last month-- maybe not now,

    tho, ...
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    Just returned from Vegas to find responses...

    Just returned from Vegas

    to find

    responses to my 'pee'

    All responses compensated for a bad beat
    in a Hold'em tournament at the Bellagio.

    Thanks,
  6. Replies
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    Dear Virgil, I don't know why I care. I'm...

    Dear Virgil,

    I don't know why I care.

    I'm 76 years old-- had my day.

    But I want to know why you find my reply
    gibberish-- my mild inebriation notwith-
    standing.
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    Bill Soughton was a stout man of sixty years,...

    Bill Soughton was a stout man of sixty years, whose expanding width seemed to be compensating for his diminishing stature.
    **
    Bill Soughton was a stout man of sixty years-- a man
    whose body got...
  8. Replies
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    I cannot disagree with your reference. I...

    I cannot disagree with your reference.

    I botched my reply.

    I was 30% drunk.

    HH
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    Thanks for the lesson dear Aunty... I cannot...

    Thanks for the lesson dear Aunty...

    I cannot disagree with your references.

    I botches my reply.

    Sorry.

    I was drunk.
  10. Thread: Awake

    by Hayseed Huck
    Replies
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    973

    Thank you... you make me smile. HH

    Thank you...

    you make me smile.

    HH
  11. Replies
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    This rewrite good HH

    This rewrite


    good

    HH
  12. Thread: 404

    by Hayseed Huck
    Replies
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    2,179

    Please re-read what I wrote. Nothing is wrong...

    Please re-read what I wrote.

    Nothing is wrong with 'that.'

    The clause sets an agreement--

    in this poem's case... only the 'elevated'
    will be discussed.

    The other will be ignored.
  13. Replies
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    I'm Rich But Tired Of It

    i'm too tired
    sick and tired of love
    i've had my fill of love
    from below and above
    tired
    tired of being admired
    tired of love uninspired
    let's face it
    i'm tired...
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    Now Hiring

    Miss Prudence Piedmont, CEO,
    taken by new girl Sally Gwen,
    ogles-- Oh! that cadmium cape,
    saffron hat and plastic shoes.

    Piedmont is curious, yes.
    -- Dear, you smoke cigars?
    Piedmontís daddy...
  15. Thread: Spring

    by Hayseed Huck
    Replies
    2
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    639

    This may be the sappiest poem I've read in the...

    This may be the sappiest poem I've read
    in the last month.

    It's very cute and puppy-doggie.

    I speak without knowing your age.

    If you are more than 12 years old,
    this poem must be tossed...
  16. Replies
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    1,158

    "That covers the hurts and pains" Kick this...

    "That covers the hurts and pains"

    Kick this line out.

    The reader says, "Oh, this poet is so skillful
    I know his hurts and pains without his telling me."

    HH
  17. Thread: 404

    by Hayseed Huck
    Replies
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    2,179

    Sappy-- but I like it. This poem brings a...

    Sappy--

    but I like it.

    This poem brings a conditional clause--

    "If things were imagined at the linmits
    of blessedness, then ..."

    this poem.
  18. Replies
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    Hello, For 17 years I tried to get my students...

    Hello,

    For 17 years I tried to get my students
    to use the dash.

    For 16 years I tried to get my students
    to blurt-out.

    eliminate the copula verb.
    eliminate the article.
  19. Replies
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    Hello, I have no formal reason to like this...

    Hello,

    I have no formal reason to like this poem.

    but I do.

    and that's the thing that bothers me.

    the language sparkles like a sparkler
    sparkles.
  20. Thread: The Fight

    by Hayseed Huck
    Replies
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    1,191

    Stop rhyming--- that is, until you study how...

    Stop rhyming---

    that is, until you study how to hide the rhyme.

    Your rhyme snacks me in the face like a bar-rag.

    Joe the bartender slopped his bar-rag across,
    down the length of the counter...
  21. Thread: Awake

    by Hayseed Huck
    Replies
    3
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    973

    As Never, never start a story with 'as.' **...

    As

    Never, never start a story with 'as.'
    **
    ... incision in the deceased man's chest cavity,
    **
    incisions are not made in chest cavities,
    **
    a sudden feeling
    **
  22. Replies
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    Impossible1 A story with nothing that can be...

    Impossible1

    A story with nothing that can be sensed.

    No objects.
    No details.

    Incredible.

    Abstractions only.
  23. Replies
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    This story ... I didn't mean to say a...

    This story ...

    I didn't mean to say a subordinate clause can be
    found in this paragraph.

    I failed to write clearly.

    In fact this pragraph is more paratactic than hypo-
    tactic.
  24. Replies
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    respond-- it's the thing to do

    I respond..

    Posters knock themselves out posting poems and
    stories and general writing, but don't respond--
    much-- except to hand our indiscriminate praise,
    when they do crit.

    Does that...
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    That first sentence kills the story-- too long. ...

    That first sentence kills the story-- too long.

    Hypotactic too.

    Hypotaxis thwarts the narrative by dependence upon the
    subordinate clause.

    Shouldn't be that way.

    HH
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