A Little Bit of Humour # 242

IF I HAD A POUND FOR EACH AND EVERY GIRL

If I had a pound for each and every girl
That said that they found me unattractive,
It would increase my worth eventually
And then they would find me attractive

I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT ALCOHOL

I always thought that alcohol
Made me funnier, smarter, oh
And a much better dancer
But then I saw myself on video

IF I’M SMILING, I'M THINKING

If I’m smiling, I'm thinking
Of doing something naughty
If you see me laughing, its
Because I've done it already

PROBLEMS ARE ALL ABOUT PERSPECTIVE

Problems are all about perspective
One of those “cup half full” affairs
So Escalators don't break down
They just magically turn into stairs.

SOME OF US LEARN FROM

Some of us learn from
The mistakes of others
The rest of us are destined
To be the others

I HATE PEOPLE WHO USE BIG WORDS

I hate people who use big words
I think it’s pretentious
And they only do it to make
Themselves look perspicacious

MANY MODERN HOMES NOW

Many modern homes now
Have a panic room in it
But to my two daughters
And my dear wife Brigit
Any room is a panic room
When they’ve lost a phone in it

ONE OF LIFE’S UNIVERSAL TRUTHS

One of life’s universal truths
Is not really much of a surprise
But behind every great man
There’s a woman rolling her eyes

THE WAITRESS ASKED “DO YOU HAVE

The waitress asked “Do you have
Any questions about the menu?”
My brother in law replied
“Is this font courier new?”

THE THANKSGIVING TURKEY

The Thanksgiving Turkey
Risked being stricken
When he crossed the road
To prove he wasn't chicken!

Several good ones here! Hard to pick out the best, but the first and last were perhaps the best.

Thanks Dreamwoven

Loved 'em all, Biggus!
So witty indeed.

Thanks Kiz, so glad you enjoyed them

they are fun I don't know how you do it !!!;)

Thanks Cacian
Ha ha some people would say "Why do you do it"

I liked the ones explaining the difference between laughing and smiling, those escalators and stairs, those others that we learn from and those women rolling their eyes and all the rest.

Thanks YN I'm glad you liked them