A Little Bit Of Humour # 265
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 415
Itsy bitsy spider
Climbed up the water spout
Arriving in the shower
As she was getting out
And that was when
She began to scream or shout
DAREDEVILISH # 2
Some activities in life
Since time began
Build your self-esteem
Like no others can
One such activity
Of which I’m a fan
Is prodding a fire with a stick
As it makes me feel like a man
WHY DID THE CHEWING GUM CROSS THE HIGHWAY?
Why did the chewing gum cross the highway?
Isn’t a question you get asked every day
However, the answer is actually a simple one
Because it was stuck to a chicken's bum
PICKUP # 24
When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
“I’m not a waiter but
Allow me to tell you”
You can begin to say
“What’s on the menu, is Me-n-u”
I PHONED THE SWINE FLU HOTLINE
I phoned the swine flu hotline
When my chest started rattling
Because that was the advice
But all I got was crackling
I'VE JUST SPLIT UP WITH MY GIRLFRIEND
I've just split up with my girlfriend,
Which actually shocked me to the core
As it was a long-standing relationship
Maybe we should have sat down more
I GOT INTO TROUBLE FOR TELLING
I got into trouble for telling
A self-harming joke
I know self-harm isn’t funny
But I’m a funny bloke
So I won’t beat myself up
Because it was just a joke
BREXIT IS A TERRIBLE NAME
Brexit is a terrible name,
It really makes me see red
And sounds like a remedy
For when you are constipated
IRONIC ADVERTISING
I fell about laughing when I saw Serena
In an ironic Advertisement for Tempur
As given her recent display of stress
It should have been a “bad Tempur” mattress
WOULD YOU THINK ME QUITE MAD
Would you think me quite mad
If I asked what bird is always sad
If not, what bird would you say
And would you say the blue jay
WHAT DO YOU CALL A ROOSTER WHO WAKES
What do you call a rooster who wakes
You up every morning at five o’clock
His actual name is Foghorn Leghorn
But we like to call him the alarm ****
THE OLD SAYING GOES
The old saying goes
Don't put all your eggs in one basket
But surely it should be
Or was it don’t put both legs in one gusset
