Christmas 2018 # 9

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 35

Twas the night before Christmas
And all thru the place
Not a creature was stirring
With not a sound nor a trace
The whole family were next door
Where to their utter disgrace
With the neighbours away
They were robbing the place

REMEMBER, REMEMBER THE 26TH OF DECEMBER

Remember, Remember the 26th of December
The feast of Stephen is the day
Celebrated in a very special way
In the UK it’s known as Boxing Day

MY WIFE WAS IN THE KITCHEN

My wife was in the kitchen
And I went in to take a look
While she cooked the goose
Just before I goosed the cook

THE MEASURE OF AGE USED TO BE

The measure of age used to be
When Policemen looked younger
Now I know I’m getting old
When Santa starts looking younger

OTT NATIVITY

I’ve always been of the opinion
That the Christmas nativity
Was a baby shower that became
A bit of an over the top festivity

CHRISTMAS IS A DEEPLY RELIGIOUS TIME

Christmas is a deeply religious time
That one and all think shouldn’t be missed
And observe it in his or her own way,
Thought normally by getting totally pissed

RUSH AND SCURRY

Hurry, hurry shopping in Surrey
Hurry, hurry, rush and scurry
Worry, worry, fresh snow flurry
Hurry Murray rush and scurry
Let’s get home and have a curry

AT THE ANNUAL CHRISTMAS BINGE

Well at the end of the year
Its managements” biggest fear
That staff should infringe
At the annual Christmas Binge

After spiking the fruit punch
In the canteen after lunch
Their totally off their hinge
At the annual Christmas Binge

The amount of alcohol downed
As many a sorrow was drowned
Made the accountant whinge
At the annual Christmas Binge

The extent of the reveling
Was quite frankly bedeviling
Enough for his beard to singe
At the annual Christmas Binge

The things that a little party ho
Did beneath the mistletoe
Would make a puritan cringe
At the annual Christmas Binge

Karen from reception bless her
Botox-ed her face with vodka
With a catering syringe
At the annual Christmas Binge

The level of fraternization
Was quite a revelation
And caused a few backs to twinge
At the annual Christmas Binge

You may well be forgiven
After the events which had arisen
That it was the lunatic fringe
At their annual Christmas Binge

Next day when the party was over
Everyone suffered from a hangover
And all took on an earthy tinge
The day after the Christmas binge

AFTER THREE WEEKS OR SO

After three weeks or so
Working in the grotto
It begins to take its toll
On the poor old soul
Sitting on his great chair
Pretending to care
As all the girls and boys
Plead for various toys
Kids of every shape and size
Looking for a prize
Clambering on his knee
Wriggling with glee
Until the poor old chap
Suffers from Santa lap

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 36

Twas the night before Christmas
And all along the street
The faithful walked to Church
Where they would meet
To celebrate the Mass and wait
For Christmas Day to greet