Love in the Time of Civil War
There was an old girl named Sofia
I knew a brief time in Crimea;
I took her to bars,
She showed me her scars,
And left me acute gonorrhea.
Buried Inside the Monster’s Stomach
But for fear I appeared to be brave.
Being dumb made me harder to save.
When those monsters ate lunch
Even bones had to crunch
But at least I did not need a grave.
Free Love (okay, More Smut)
There was a young lady named Betty
Whose favors fell free as confetti;
One night on a sheet
She exclaimed: "Oh, you're Pete!
I thought you were Tom, Dick, or Eddie."