Not to worry Prince, it's a soft splat :p
Qim, thanks for gracing the thread with your comment, it means a ton.
Wow Kittypaws, you know some neat trivia! Thanks too for the kind comments.
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Not to worry Prince, it's a soft splat :p
Qim, thanks for gracing the thread with your comment, it means a ton.
Wow Kittypaws, you know some neat trivia! Thanks too for the kind comments.
'Love story' is finding a new life. That makes me :)
Must be the magic of 1948 ;)
dead on
last I saw mom
in the morgue
her eyes were shut
she doesn’t want to see
the man she married
ever again
when my father passed
his eyes were open
still trying to figure out
where it all went wrong
growing up
a psychic saw me and said
kid your eyes...they don't match
your mom and dad
fight all the time, yes?
creepy!
I love the meaning you attach to closed eyes and open eyes in death and the implication of your own outlook being skewed both ways. Well done Haunted.
The reference to each of the parents' eyes is extraordinary and powerful but would you consider ending just before these lines:
your parents don’t
get along
it’s true
eyes don't lie
which feel anti-climactic and explanatory to me.
Powerful poem!
I have to agree with Prince. I loved this poem when you entered it in the 'eyes don't lie' comp but now you are free to remove the quote..... if you want to, of course.
H
Delta, it creeped you out? ohhh. Welcome to my world.
Thanks for the nice comment, much appreciated.
Prince, yes I knew I overwrite, but that's so unlike me... but I do need "don't get along", that's the crux of the poem.
Hill you're right, thanks! I was debating whether to end after "don't get along", that's the stinger, what comes after that is commentary. I'll chop it down now.
Hi Haunted.
This was a revisit for me as I must have read it when it was part of the competition that Hill mentioned.
Your mum's eyes, your father's eyes, your eyes. Closed opened and mismatched. Clever stuff.
I see you have changed the end and wondered if 'fight' should be 'fought' as they are deceased. But then again the last stanza could be before they died... :)
Eyes still open trying to figure out where it all want wrong is truely memorable, Haunted, great stuff.
cheers
Jerry
Good point Jerry, I overlooked the timeline which seemed confusing. I reworked it slightly.
Quote:
dead on
last I saw mom
in the morgue
her eyes were shut
she doesn’t want to see
the man she married
ever again
when my father passed
his eyes were open
still trying to figure out
where it all went wrong
growing up
a psychic saw me and said
kid your eyes...they don't match
your mom and dad
fight all the time, yes?
A Short Collection of Trashy Poems
introduction
D22 westbound
Victoria’s other secret
paper chase
love story
forcast
overnight snow
the little dancer
his green eyes
September 2nd
existence
dinner date
don't take my baby
car talk
Google Earth
dead on
My name is Jane
all I ever want for Christmas
hazardous driving
fashionably speaking
of cat and men (a Christmas poem)
the anesthesiologist
postmarked 1948
he says it’s sacred
so they must...must keep it
their sweet little secret
whenever she misses him
she lays down on a bed of letters
this is where he is
when he is not here
as soon as her eyes close
she can feel the steel tip
his love infused fountain pen
pushing hard and harder
into the exquisite stationery
leaving one unmistakable
pregnant chad
afterwards she swoons over
every trace of saliva he left
on the linen envelopes
each sealed with a lie
A poem truely worthy of its post marked date haunted. The bittersweetness and then the hit of the final line and the third stanza particularly, are soaked in the class of your own fountain pen. I had to look up 'chad'. To then come up with a pregnant chad, well all respect to you haunted.
Brilliant
Jerry
Loved this for the imagery of her swooning on a bed of letters - and the final line when the reader sees the desperation of her situation even if she does not. And it's written so elegantly.....
H
Sounds all too familiar Haunted... Nice one.